Harry Potter Valentines (I die)

Via Ben Kling - and you really should follow that link and check out the whole list.

Celebrity Valentine's Day cards

"The open sore on my leg is less of a big deal than people make out, just to reassure you..."
- Henry VII to Catherine Parr.

“Every man desires to live long, but no man wishes to be old.” 

― Jonathan Swift, Gulliver's Travels

Things someone said to me on the phone yesterday

1. "I hit them with my stick and I'm the one who gets charged with assault."

2. "I call them a <CENSORED BECAUSE: EW> and I get called racist."

You don't need to find Channing Tatum attractive (and I don't)

To have faith the Magic Mike sequel will be several handfulls worth of fun.

Perfect, basically

"I thought there was an anguished moment of pure beauty in The Office. It was between Tim and Dawn, and there were kisses being sold for Comic Relief, and he gives her a pound. Of course they’re both terribly in love, but they haven’t admitted it. And she says “Well you have to have your kiss now.” and so they have to kiss. There’s this brief incandescent kiss. It’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen, and they’re almost physically stunned by it. But it’s so real and so content that I think today I’m nominating that as my favourite bit of TV drama, even though it’s in a comedy."

Steven Moffat's answer to "What is your favourite TV drama moment?" 

(Via Rainbow Rowell)

“Yahtzee!”

A year or so ago I wrote a really terrible "novel" about a girl who, through Circumstances, winds up stuck in a rom-com world (I know, I know) where she has to fight against all the genre's shitty cliches, including the best friend who exists only for plot and exposition purposes and the wacky misunderstandings she can see coming but can't prevent. I wasted about 80,000 words and a year of my life writing something incredibly lame and unfunny that needs to be burned in a fire immediately, while over at the New Yorker Mindy Kaling has gone and written something much, much better and using way, way, way less words. To wit:

The Sassy Best Friend

You know that really hilarious and horny best friend who is always asking about your relationship and has nothing really going on in her own life? She always wants to meet you in coffee shops or wants to go to Bloomingdale’s to sample perfumes? She runs a chic dildo store in the West Village? Nope? O.K., that’s this person.

I mean: hee! You can read the whole thing here. (Also you should know this article is years old, I just stumbled onto it today because I'm 4 years behind the world).

Love it

You might think...

... you don't particularly want to see a guinea pig pretending to be a baked potato but is that really true?

Me + Triple J Hottest 100

Via Lana Del Jace

I'm Hulking out over here

I’ve been stewing in my own juices a bit this week.

No, I’m not going to go all Falling Down or start slapping Andy around a bit, but in the past few weeks I’ve felt let down by someone who was a friend, frustrated at work and had an absolute turd laid in my lap by the housebuilding process. NO I DON’T WANT TO TALL ABOUT IT.

None of my complaints are particularly serious and they’re all frightfully First World but they’ve still been getting me down and simultaneously making me angry at, well, The World, which is a little dumb. Given I’m Australian, middle class and white plenty of people could argue The World has handed me a pretty cruisey deal.

Nevertheless, if you too are having the worst week you could do worse than dip into my indulgent Angry Kate playlist.

The Jesus And Mary Chain

I Hate Rock n’ Roll

Magnetic Fields

You Must Be Out Of Your Mind

Rage Against The Machine

Killing in the Name Of

The National

Fireproof

Today I got really bored and looked up ex-boyfriends on social media

One had pretty much zero social media footprint except for a photo of him and his wife at their wedding.

The other was posting Morrissey lyrics on Twitter.

Seemed about right, really.

Oh My Lord

Word. This made me happy for some dumb reason.

We all agree number 3 should be number one, though, right?

Not going to lie, this article won me over with its opening line:

Hand up if you don’t want to bone Mark Ruffalo. Ok, go away: this is not for you. The rest of you: welcome. We are all made of stars and of the desire to tug down Mark Ruffalo’s pants. 

Thoughts I had while watching Birdman (which I liked just fine)

1. God Edward Norton is ageing well.

2. Why does nobody seem to be talking about Edward Norton's performance in this movie? He's tremendous. Also that coat he's wearing right now is magnificent.

3. I want to see a whole movie about Edward Norton's character.

4. Dude is, uh, looking pretty ripped for a 45-year-old.

5. Why isn't Edward Norton onscreen right now?

6. I wonder what Edward Norton's character is doing right now?

7. Don't leave me hanging, movie: what happened with Edward Norton's character and his (in)ability to get it up? Damn you, Inarritu - why are you leaving me in suspense over the state of Edward Norton's character's cock??

Happiness, knowledge, not in another place but this place, not for

another hour but this hour

(Walt Whitman)

On a day of pretty shitty news on the personal front...

... it's nice to know a Belle & Sebastian song can still put a smile on my dial, 15 years on.

“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world's existence. All these half-tones of the soul's consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.” 
― Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

Things I ate today: Cauliflower Cake

The thing: A piece of YotamOttolenghi’s Cauliflower Cake, cooked by me for dinner last night. Today’s lunch is composed, therefore of leftovers.

Appearance: Resembling nothing so much as a fat savoury muffin or scone (I did bake most of the batter as it appears in the pic above, in a cake tin, but I had too much so the rest went into ramekins), this cauliflower cake looks delicious: solid, slightly crispy on the outside and generally extremely munchable.

Taste: Yotam assured me in his cookbook, Plenty More,that the cake would be even better the next day and I’ve got to say ol’ Yotes did not tell a lie. I love me a bit of cold stodge – cold roast potatoes, for example, are so very much my jam – and this cake really delivers on that front. I have nothing against potato (what kind of madman would?) but I feel a bit virtuous eating something like that really tastes like a potato cake but contains cauliflower instead. My only criticism, and it’s a minor one, is that it might tend towards the bland if you ate too much of it. I address this problem by alternating with bites of my beetroot salad but a blob of chutney would also go down a treat. This may strike some as wrong but I’d also love to slice it up very finely and throw it in a toasted sandwich with some swiss cheese. Mmmmm double stodge. Also Andy insists next time I have to bake it in a loaf tin so he can call it cauliflower log because he's super weird so, uh, that might happen.

The verdict: A future staple. This cake took kind of a long time to make last night, in part because it was the first time I’d made it so I had to keep referring back to the recipe. But even assuming I couldn’t reduce that preparation/baking time it’s a worthy addition to my recipe roster because it makes heaps and tastes a treat the next day. Ask me how I feel at the end of the week but if I had a slice of this puppy in my lunchbox every day I’d be a happy chappy.

Note: For anyone who cares the version of Yotam's recipe linked to above is actually slightly different to the version in his cookbook. Essentially there's just more of it: the book version uses 75ml of olive oil, 7 eggs, 150g parmesan cheese, 120g flour, 1.5 tsp baking powder and either one small cauliflower or (in my case) about three-quarters of a medium-sized one. The rest remains the same. But really you should just buy the book, cheapskate.

Word

Via Rainbow Rowell's tumblr

NOT GREAT BOB

God bless the good people at Previously TV for reminding me of one of my all time favourite Mad Men moments. Also a phrase I should be using more often in my daily life. All the time. (Also you really should watch the actual version with audio because Pete's delivery is... something).

Word

Relax on Kepler 16b: Where Your Shadow Always Has Company

So first this happened.

Then this happened.

And I was happy.

News probably only I care about

Second season Fargo sounds nearly as awesome as the first season was, which was way better than True Detective YEAH I SAID IT SO THERE.

A boring list of things that are making me happy

1. Chocolate chips on my porridge. It started as a special treat. It's became a daily fixture. Is it wrong? I don't care. It tastes right.

2. A Visit From the Goon Squad which I'm reading about 100 years after everyone else. Despite being a keen reader I still have this weird hang-up sometimes that critically lauded books are going to be hard to get into. What a pill. So imagine my delight that this book has turned out to be a cracker.

3. The world of graphic novels. Between Saga and Y: The Last Man I feel like I've discovered (yeah, I know, shut up) a whole new genre of kinda-books to explore.

4. Trips out of town. Three days in Dunsborough and it felt like a month, in the best possible way. Must. Leave. Town. More. Often.

5. Movies. Into the Woods, Birdman and Theory of Everything will soon be mine. After a mini-drought it's exciting to be, you know, excited about so many new films coming out. Make mine a boysenberry choc bomb, thanks.

6. Friday. Well, you know, I'm only human IF YOU CUT ME DO I NOT BLEED?

N.B: The photo above comes from someone else's blog but it's a pretty fair representation of what I just finished chowing down.

That frustrating feeling

When you finish reading something you thought was amazing and you need to talk about it but you only know one other person who has read it and it came out years ago so nobody's talking about it online either and gaaaaaah.

Maybe just think about reading this graphic novel series, Y: The Last Man. I guess that's my point.

I camembearit...

If you're not reading Catalogue Living you're doing it wrong.

“You do care a little for me, I know... but nothing to speak of, and you don't love me. I was yours once till death if you'd cared to keep me, but I'm someone else's now... and he's mine in a way that shocks you, but why don't you stop being shocked, and attend to your own happiness.”

(E.M Forster, Maurice)

6 Things I don't understand about...

... this fucking stupid article I read.

1. Why she bothered to write it.

2. Why I bothered to read it.

3. Why I'm bothering to blog about it now, potentially encouraging more people to waste five minutes of their life.

4. Why someone I know on Facebook 'liked' it.

5. Why I thought I could really generate 6 dot points responding to this one bit of inanity. Fuck off Carolyn Hall.

6. ...

“Did I want him to act? Or would I prefer a lifetime of longing provided we both kept this little Ping-Pong game going: not knowing, not-not-knowing, not-not-not-knowing? Just be quiet, say nothing, and if you can't say "yes," don't say "no," say "later." Is this why people say "maybe" when they mean "yes," but hope you'll think it's "no" when all they really mean is, Please, just ask me once more, and once more after that?” 

(Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name)

A text I sent to my brother today that might have outed me as a closet racist maybe?

I tried to watch a movie called The Resident, drawn by a stellar cast of Javier Bardem! Lee Pace! Hillary Swank! It was... not good. I mean Pace's gross 90s pleated pants (the movie was made in 2011) were the least of its problems and they were heinous.

Yeah, turns out Javier Bardem is not in that shitty movie. The guy I thought was him was Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who is in no way Spanish. In my defence, I do legitimately seem to have mental problems when it comes to recognising faces I've only seen once or twice. To this day I'm still living down 1) Failing to recognise my good chum Bec's charming brother days after meeting him and talking to him for a good hour, and 2) Failing to recognise one of the main characters in a TV series because in between scenes he put on a different outfit and did his hair funny. Yeeeeeeahhh.

To conclude: definitely mental, only potentially racist. That's my story.

Not lying

I'm sorry but word to the wise: you still really need to read Saga.

Strictly for Serial fans...

... Jay speaks(!)

*Really* hard questions

I've fallen well and truly down a Lee Pace wormhole recently, as you, erm, may have noticed. The weird thing is I thought he was ten types of cute way back in the days of Wonderfalls but kind of forgot about him until right about now. Since this rediscovery I've gone and sucked up up much of his back catalogue, from the sublime to the, well, ridiculous.

In the process I well and truly fell for Pushing Daisies - a TV show starring Pace that my dear and wise friend Ali tried to push down my throat years ago but which, for reasons best chalked up to my stupidity, I resisted.

Pushing Daisies - and I speak as someone who has binged on the show's only two seasons over the past two weeks - is delightful not just because of Pace but because of the gorgeous, gorgeous costumes bestowed on his love interest: Anna Friel as Chuck. Seriously, if I had to choose between going home with Pace or Chuck's wardrobe I... might have some hard choices to make.

It's all about the hat. My GOD the hat.

You too could look this good sitting on a car in this dress.

What better way to entrance your boyfriend (who can't touch you for reasons I won't bother going into) than a saucy vintagesque basque?

One of my favourite Solving Crimes dress. Her handbag in the blazer is pretty spiffing too.

She even makes pants look good. Which is really not fair.

Here are some things on the internet you could read while you digest Christmas lunch

If you read a lot you'll probably come across a lot of The Year That Was articles at this time of year. This one by Charlie Brooker for The Guardian is my favourite. Here's a sample:

"Westminster also found itself mired in scandal when a decades-old dossier containing the names of various high-profile figures suspected of paedophilia went missing. A search turned up nothing. Well, these things happen. It’s an easy mistake to make, especially in an organisation of that size. Maybe someone just accidentally shredded it with sweating, shaking hands and one foot up against the door."

I'm a big fan of a lot of the writing that goes on for Sali Hughes' beauty site and this cute little bit about the joys of getting ready for a night out is no exception.

This New Statesman piece by Elizabeth Minkel on fandom ("Exploring the shifting dynamics of fan culture") is fun reading for anyone interested in the subject and I don't just say that because she quotes my beloved Rainbow Rowell.

If you haven't seen that thing where bored coworkers recreate classic paintings using office supplies, well, maybe you should.

Back at The Guardian Annalisa Barbieri's idea of how to spend Christmas Day sounds, well, blissful. I'd probably ditch the kids, though.

In case you were wondering...

... Keating's still got it.

Yes

Source: http://maggieesmerelda.tumblr.com/post/39151077093

Don't mind me

I'm just chilling over here, drowning in my Lee Pace obsession. In my head I am the lion cub. Ain't no thang.

(Almost) Holiday Reading

This article - "I Talked to People on Tinder About 'Serial' and This is What Happened" - really delivers on its title. Great idea, by the way.

In which I lay some TV truth on ya'll

If you're not watching the pretty great TV series The Flash because you're not really into superhero malarky but you can handle some relationship schmalz then you should also know that this week's episode* features the most classy 'hey best friend, I'm actually super into you even though you have a boyfriend' scene I've seen in awhile. Too often these kind of scenes come off as creepy or aggressive, like the guy expects that just because he's rolled it out there the girl owes him something (I know if I thought hard enough I could come up with some examples of this but it's lunchtime and I'm really jonesing for a cheese toastie). Full credit to the writers and the charming Grant Gustin for pulling it off. Also, dude: you could probably do better. Iris seems like kinda a pill.




* I wondered whether to SPOILER ALERT this but seriously if you can't tell this scene is coming one way or another after watching 15 minutes of the first episode of this show then you may... have some problems.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me explain why the tweet above has me so goddamn excited.

1. Last year American author Rainbow Rowell wrote a book called Fangirl about a young girl who writes fan fiction. The fan fiction was based on a series of fantasy books - "Simon Snow" that sounded a lot like Harry Potter.

2. Fangirl was awesome - one of my favourite books of 2013. As part of the book it included snippets of the main character's fan fiction. As unlikely as it sounds those snippets were a big part of why the book was so good: I really wanted to find out what happened in that other world.

3. Rainbow Rowell is now writing a book BASED ON THAT FICTIONAL FANTASY SERIES. And I am dying with excitement.

This is... I don't know what this is...

... but it did make me laugh.

“There are ships sailing to many ports, but not a single one goes where life is not painful.”

(Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet)

Things I ate today: marble melting moment

I've recently 'discovered' and fallen for the podcast Mike And Tom Eat Snacks, a podcast that is.... pretty much exactly what it sounds like. What are they about? They pick a snack, they eat a snack, they rate a snack. What do they stand for? Respect for women. 

I'm sorry, that's a joke for fans only. But, honestly: it's a lot of fun, would recommend to a friend.

So it's with a nod to that delightful product that I introduce a new maybe-regular feature for my far less delightful blog in which I, well, rate my daily snacks. Unlike M&T I'm not out there picking different and interesting snacks to write about - this is more of a lazyarse 'write about what I happen to be eating anyway' kind of a thing. Given my afternoon tea treat most days is a little block of Lindt dark chocolate this feature may be... short-lived. Or repetitive

Still, there was no Lindt dark chocolate for me this week. Instead, I present: a marble melting moment I ate yesterday! Excitement!

The snack: A marble melting moment biscuit from The Exchange coffee shop in Osborne Park.

Appearance: Pleasing. Not as bulbous as a conventional melting moment, it looks like two chocolate chip biscuits sandwiched around a generous smear of chocolate icing.

Taste: Unfortunately it does not taste like two chocolate chip biscuits sandwiched around a smear of chocolate icing. For starters, there are no chips, per se, in the biscuit. Rather, the chocolate swirl has the same consistency as the rest of the biscuit. That makes sense, I'm not sure why I expected chips, but it's disappointing nonetheless. The chocolate filling, too, is a little disappointing: it’s chocolate and tastes sort of like icing but not – and here’s my key disappointment – like the butter-cream frosting I’d been hoping for. Again, this is really more my problem than the biscuit's: it didn't promise me butter-cream frosting or chips and yet I was disappointed by their absence. Perhaps I'm being too harsh. Ultimately the biscuit tastes pretty much like a regular melting moment, with chocolate substituted for the conventional vanilla or passionfruit filling, and I am not a big fan of melting moment. In hindsight, I may have chosen... poorly.

The verdict: A perfectly acceptable biscuit snack if you like melting moments. If I were peckish, in the mood for a biscuit and someone offered me one I'd take it and take it gladly. But would I order it again over, say, a chocolate brownie, lemon slice or these salty chocolate bars I've got hooked on lately? Unlikely.

I'm *dying*

Via Facebook

Trap for young players

If you, like me, frequently have to cause to regret reading below the line, you probably need to read this:

The 20 Unhappiest People You Meet In The Comments Sections Of Year-End Lists

That Chris Rock essay everyone's talking about is really good.

But don't take my word for it.

The Victoria Secret show thing is kind of bullshit

I... don't really have that much more to say about it but maaaaan to misquote the greatest movie of all time I do not think the show is about what it says it's about.

In which I quote from the Bible for what I assume will be the first and last time.

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

- St. Paul

Via floccinaucinihilipilificationa

Things that are making me happy today

This this blog exists. That I found this blog. That this blog is probably one of many devoted to this particular (and, might I say, particularly hot) maybe-couple. Sometimes the internet is a wonderful thing

Things I have wanted to post on Facebook this week but cannot because I like my job

FUCK. OFF.

"Hammond, after some consideration, I've decided not to endorse your park"

I have long nursed a serious lady boner (sorry) for the original Jurassic Park franchise. I loved the original book/movie, ditto the follow-up, The Lost World, and the third movie... well, like the rest of the world I signed off on an agreement to pretend that shit sandwich never existed so let's not dwell. 

The original movie in particular is - to me - is a genuine action classic and barely a month goes by without me quoting the line: "Clever girl".... usually at Andy for being almost as clever as a Velociraptor (but probably not quite). It's also a movie that has given me recurring nightmares, including one in which I try to escape the T-Rex by - for reasons unknown - zipping myself inside one of the cushions of my old family couch. Yeeeeeeah. I probably wouldn't survive long in the wild.

Anyways, all of this is a long-winded way of saying that I am 100 per cent excited by the prospect of the latest installment, Jurassic World, even if it's still a good 8 months away. Chris Pratt? Check. Cheap scares? Check. Life finding a way? Double check. At this point I am so so so over superhero movies (my beloved X-Men not withstanding) that I'm especially thrilled by the possibility of a spectacle-type movie that doesn't involve spandex or - God help us - another fucking origin story.

“A man with no enemies is a man with no character."

(Paul Newman)

I'm making a lasagne

I'm not crying. I've just been... cutting onions. But you should probably follow that link and watch the video so long as you're not, I don't know, in a public place or at work where people will think you're a blubbering weirdo.

Wednesday morning reading: Sam de Brito's "Stop whingeing about ABC job cuts" column

Food for thought.

Bar conversations that suggest I may need to get out more.

Her: Is this Shake it Off?

Me: Um, I'm pretty sure I recognise it from my Body Pump class.

I don't believe in God but...

... the evidence is stacking up. First, someone took my all-time favourite superhero franchise and decided to cast super hotties Michael Fassbender and James McEvoy in the reboot of the films. Amazing.

Now they've decided too much of something is, you know, wonderful, and have cast one of my many new movie boyfriends, Oscar Isaac, in the next instalment. Sure, he's supposedly a villain but surely it's not too much to ask that at some point Professor X and Magneto have to team up to take him down in some kind of... hot tub scenario. I mean, that could happen. Sans towels.

Anyway, really I just wanted to say thanks Jebus: I knew that if you did exist you'd be a big homo and into exactly the same kind of dudes as me.

Scenes from a delightful weekend away:

Explaining slash fiction to a colleague with the words: "So if, like, you thought Harry and Draco should have hooked up..."

(Artwork via fanpop)

My new movie boyfriend: Lee Pace

Maybe all men should just wear eyeliner... forever. (Via gothiccharm school)

No jokes, just a recommendation

Fair to say it's pretty hard for most of us to imagine what it would feel like to be trapped inside the wrong body. Harder still to imagine how you process all that if you're a little kid, not to mention if you're the parent of that little kid. It's the morning after I watched last night's episode of Four Corners, featuring transgender kids, and I can't stop thinking about it. That's the power of great and important journalism: when it can make you feel simultaneously sad and happy, powerless and fired up. If you missed it, catch up on iView - it's the best episode I've seen all year.

N.B: On a related note, this article popped up on my Facebook feed today offering an adult perspective on similar issues. I tend to think of myself as an open-minded person (don't we all) and it got me thinking about my tendency to want to put labels on things so, um, yeah. There you go.

If you had a burning desire to see my boyfriend Benedict Cumberbatch do some celebrity impressions and generally be delightful...

... Um, wish granted.

Killer Serial

You may have heard me crap on about my latest addiction: The Serial podcast.

I'm sorry about this, I know I've been shoving it down the throats of friends and family lately.

But also, totally not sorry because it's awesome and I'm doing you a big fat favour by recommending it and giving you the opportunity catch up with a binge listen. It's not exaggerating to say I give a little wheeee of glee every week when the next episode comes out. I have strict rules about where and how I'll listen to it: I have to be able to listen to it all in one go, I try to avoid the possibility of any distractions. I want so much to keep clear in my head all the different characters so, you know, I can get into some wild speculation.

If you're not convinced by my insistence Serial is great and worthy of your time, perhaps you'll listen to The Wall Street Journal? I mean, those guys are smart. They understand numbers and everything. They could probably do your taxes if they wanted.

Testify!

All the seas of joy/ Sound wonderfully near/ Since you've been here

As a teenager I had a big ol' crush on Samuel Johnson, who then played a starring role in not just my fantasies but the popular and really rather good TV show The Secret Life of Us. It helped that he bore (I felt) a passing resemblance to the real life object of yet another (somewhat unrequited) crush: the spritely young chap who would eventually become my husband. (Sidenote: I recently found an old diary which actually drew parallels between my crush on Andy and Samuel's character's crush on Claudia Karvan so... yeah. I was so young and so delusional back them. Also seems like I had kind of a lot of spare time on my hands).

Anyway, I grew out of my Samuel Johnson crush but had I known then what I know now, I suspect I would never have given it up and may have developed into a borderline stalker of the poor bastard because maaaaan he's done a really awfully nice piece of writing for the Saturday Paper this week. You can and you should read it here. If you need me I'll be on the couch mainlining The Secret Life of Us.

"...your double eyelid from birth bothers me..."

I think I might love this a little bit.

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair

I did half my push-ups today on my toes so, yeah... where's my statue?

Confession time: I love pink hair

"I feel like a Geography teacher going "hey guys, I don't care what's cool, and really, doesn't that make e coolest of all?" No. No it doesn't, and no I won't call you Gary."

Read the rest of the charming article from which this snippet springs here.

Thanks (I think?) to Facebook pal Darren Wong for this one. Also: yikes.

Emotionally mature things I did today #12

Resisted the urge to send my annoying neighbour a shitty, passive-aggressive email that would have been deeply satisfying but would also, in Andy's words, Only Encourage Her. Deep breath, deep breath. This too shall pass.