Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Token Smokin' Hottie: Scott Speedman

There was a certain point in the 1990s at which millions of woman and men around the world simultaneously fell in love. Gasps were expelled, glasses were dropped, television sets were turned up a little louder. Hands, if you'll forgive me getting a bit filthy, were probably stuffed down pants.

The show was Felicity and the hot piece of buttery crumpet was Scott Speedman.

Knowing much more about Felicity than I really should, I happen to know that Speedy was not initially cast in the role of "Ben" - the saucyepot love interest/stalkee for the eponymous heroine. The role originally went to another actor (the one who ended up playing "Noel" for those tragics who have also seen the show) before the producers met Speedy. Once they did, of course, they couldn't help themselves. Who could? Because he is Scott Fucking Speedman.

Never has a man been better at mumbling through his lines, barely opening his lips to let syllables out. Never has a man so accurately conveyed simultaneously both a simmering undercurrent of rage and confusion and serene fuckability without saying a thing. Never have I wept so hard with gratitude when he lopped off a headful of bog curls (see above) to reveal a scalp as smoking hot as the rest of him. Oh shit and did I mention his character was in the swim team for a whole season, meaning he spent about 80 per cent of his onscreen time without his shirt? Because... yeah. That happened.

But more than that (wait - did I just dismiss Speedy's cheese grater torso with a simple "more than that"?) he just seems so... charming. Even when he'd let you down time and time and time again you just KNOW you'd fall for him all over again as soon as he rocked up at your house with a cheaparse bottle of red: all dimples and excuses. Nobody could sound quite so sincere when he explained very cutely that he only put his cigarettes out on your tits because he just loves you so much, baby.

But, please, excuse me, I'm afraid my Felicity series 4 DVD has just arrived and I have, um, some work to do.


CB One said...

Geez you watch some crap TV ;-)

my name is kate said...

Yeah yeah you can borrow it as soon as you bring back my Gilmore Girls boxed set...