Sunday, March 28, 2010

I received an interesting email today...

Dear Employer!

Why thankyou. I mean, I don't actually have any 'employees' so I'm not sure you can call me an employer but I appreciate the fact you obviously consider me a high-powered business-type-person.

We are glad to inform you of beginning staff recruitment for the position of the Financial Agent in Australia. We are looking for the best candidates meeting the demands of our clients. The number of vacancies for this position is limited, that's why the recruitment takes place on a competition basis.

Yes, but perhaps I should repeat myself: I don't actually...

We select the best employees and, probably, you are the one whom we are looking for!

Me?! I won! Are you... sure? I mean I'm flattered of course.

You should clearly conform to the requirements of our Company:


Interpersonal skills


Conversational English knowledge

You know it.

PC user.

I'm using one right now.

Responsible approach to work


Salary - from EUR 2500.

A month? A week? A day? An...hour?

Zdravstvujte! My rady soobwit' Vam, ob otkrytii nabora sotrudnikov na post Finansovogo Agenta v Australia. Nasha rol' najti, luchshih kandidatov, udovletvorjajuwih potrebnosti nashih klientov. Kolichestvo mest na dannuju dolzhnost' ogranichenno, pojetomu nabor vedetsja na konkursnoj osnove, my otbiraem luchshih sotrudnikov i vozmozhno vy tot,kogo my iwem! Vy dolzhny chetko sootvetstvovat' trebovanijam nashej
Znanie razgovornogo anglijskogo jazyka
Vladenie komp'juterom na urovne pol'zovatelja.
Otvetstvennyj podhod k rabote
Zarabotnaja plata ot 2500 evro.
Za bolee podrobnoj informaciej obrawajtes' na e-mail:

Yes, thankyou. I had it cut the other day.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

You know how it is...

... sometimes you think you've done well to overcome your short fuse and hot temper by not saying anything. Other times you find yourself wishing you actually had told so-and-so he was being a fucking prick. Which he was, FYI.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Goodbye Wisdom

As many of you probably know, I had my wisdom teeth yanked out on Wednesday. The actual surgery part was considerably more terrifying than I'd expected, pathetically enough, but the recovery has been quite delightful. Yes, my throat is weirdly sore. Yes, my jaw is aching like a mo-fo and YES I might be hooked on Panadeine Forte but what price that feeling you get waking up on a Friday morning and knowing you don't have to get out of bed, eh? Eh? If somebody could drop off a bottle of wine and a straw I would be SORTED.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Douche of the Day: Nancy Elliot

Nancy Elliot, if you're lucky enough not to be familiar with her, is a US politician who recently made some truly insightful and intelligent remarks about why same sex marriage legislation in the state of New Hampshire should be scrapped:
“We’re talking about taking the penis of one man and putting it in the rectum of another man and wiggling it around in excrement. And you have to think… would I allow that to be done to me?”
I think that stick up your arse is probably doing the job nicely, Nancy.