An open letter to the douche outside Epic Espresso this morning,

If this (alleged, probably fake) "big deal" you're (allegedly, probably not) working on is really so fucking "top secret" (read: does not exist) then maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't stand on Outram Street for 15 fucking minutes SHOUTING ABOUT IT INTO YOUR PHONE. You were wearing a very nice suit, though: I will give you that.