Things I thought but did not say to the only other guy in the gym at the weekend:

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS YOU HAVE SWEATED ALL OVER THIS MACHINE SO COMPREHENSIVELY THAT I HAVE TO PUSH A BUTTON SOAKED IN YOUR SWEAT IN ORDER TO INCREASE OR DECREASE THE SPEED/INCLINE ON THE TREADMILL YOU FUCKING MONSTER YOU HAVE A TOWEL WITH YOU THAT'S THE WEIRDEST PART WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WERE YOU RAISED IN A CAVE?