Questions that plague me at 3am

Am I being racist when I use "yo, yo Baby Creed" as a greeting?

The English Language Has Failed Me

BECAUSE WHAT IS THE NAME FOR THAT THING WHEN YOU HAVE SO MANY NEW BOOKS OUT FROM THE LIBRARY THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY READ THEM ALL BEFORE THEY'RE DUE BACK AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH TO START FIRST SO YOU JUST STARE AT THEM ALL IN THAT TOWER BY YOUR BED AND TRY TO PRIORITISE BASED ON HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO READ THEM, WHEN THEY'RE DUE BACK, HOW LONG THEY WILL TAKE YOU ETC BUT IT'S ALL JUST TOO MUCH SO YOU START READING A NON-LIBRARY BOOK INSTEAD TO CALM DOWN AND THEN YOU STRESS OUT ABOUT THAT EVEN MORE BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE EVEN FURTHER BEHIND.

Yeah, I have that.

My favourite thing a reader emailed me (at my work address ) this week in response to something I wrote:

"I would not have been born if my mother's elder brother had not slowly poisoned his wife to death."

Word (also: Sherlock spoilers ahead)

• Things I Didn’t Anticipate Seeing on the First Day of 2016

  weeesi:

  1) Andrew Scott fellating a prop pistol as Benedict Cumberbatch watched
  2)

  (via violethuntress)

  Source: weeesi

  • 1 HOUR AGO
  • 152 NOTES
  • #SHERLOCK
  • #SHSPESH
  • #TAB SPOILERS
  • #SNERK
  • #P MUCH
  • #HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
  • 
    
  • 
    
  • Via Destination Toast

Favourite things of 2015 #5: Rainbow Rowell's novel Carry On

Rainbow Rowell's Carry On is not, in my opinion, her best book. I don't think it's as sweetly heartbreaking as Eleanor & Park, nor as straight-up mesmerising and romantic as Fangirl: a book I loved so much that when I finished it I literally started reading it again immediately - something I'm not sure I've ever done before or since. Arguably it lacks the dopey first-book charm of Attachments - a delightful romantic comedy of a book I have returned to several times.

But sometimes a book or a movie or a bit of music feels like it's been written just for you and only for you and, for me, Carry On was that book. Friends who have read it and know what a soppy romantic I secretly am will understand why it's perfectly in my wheelhouse. But it wasn't just the central love story that I loved, I loved it all: the jokes, the winking and I loved so much what Rowell did with Agatha in the end - like, yeah, WHY NOT JUST FUCK THIS SHIT - I can't even bear it.

"It is never twins, Watson" (Contains Sherlock spoilers)

"This episode will be derided as Steven Moffat trying too hard to outwit the viewer and twisting what should be a perfectly simple whodunit into a plot device of labyrinth complexity. But the secret is that it isn’t that clever and it doesn’t completely make sense, because it’s not supposed to. Moffat and Gatiss just filmed 90 minutes of the internal monologue of a tortured queer genius drug addict off his tits on coke, wrapped it up in a gothic mystery, and then gave it to us as a late Christmas present."

 (via heliumstars)

I am pretty much onboard with this as a response to the delightful, silly, maddening and somewhat ridiculous Sherlock Christmas special, which I heartily enjoyed.

I like this essay by Whitney Cummings' over at Lenny Letter quite a lot:

I had always had a hunch something was wrong because I could give but I couldn't receive. I could give someone nice jewelry, but when they tried to buy me a two-dollar coffee I would resist to the point of it getting awkward. And if someone gave me a gift, I viewed it like a grenade. I would have to wait until you left to open it because I was so worried I wouldn't receive it well enough. My dear friend Beth gave me necklaces with my dogs' initials on them, and I stressed out that she didn't know how much I love them. I'll Instagram them looking resplendent under the Nashville filter and tag her, send her photos of me wearing them so she didn't think I was lying, and yet I still felt a pang of guilt that I didn't deserve such kindness.

You can read the whole thing here.

Don’t feel bad if you’re sensitive to negative feedback because apparently after one particular bad review Hans Christian Andersen was found just sobbing while lying face down in the dirt

Via Amy Spalding

Favourite Things of 2015 #4: Sufjan Stevens' new album

I've not always been a super fan of Sufjav Stevens. I like his voice and I like plenty of his music but the religious vibe has always put me off, which is a bit dumb I guess given my deep love for Belle and Sebastian, despite Stuart's on-again-off-again flirtation with faith.

So I'm not sure what made me buy Sufjan Stevens' new album, Carrie & Lowell outright when I don't buy that many albums these days. All I know is that I heard it mentioned on a podcast and thought I should give it a listen. I listened to one song and then another and I knew it was an album for me and something I was going to want to listen to over and over again.

As a purchase it has not disappointed: I love this album. In a year that has had some pretty bloody bleak moments this lovely, sad and sometimes deeply depressing album has been like a... well not a balm exactly and not like pouring salt on a wound either but it's been a wonderful accompaniment to some sad and mopey times. To me it's like Madame Bollinger's famous line about drinking champagne when she's happy and also when she's sad. I can listen to this album when I'm in a good mood and when I'm blue as the bluest blue whale and it works on me either way, albeit probably in different ways.

To conclude: love it. Definitely my album of 2015.

Thoughts on watching the first two episodes of the rebooted Dr Who for the first time

1. I really like Billie Piper. She's a delight.

2. This show is hella silly.

3. It's also basically like Star Trek with fewer regular cast members.

4. I'm not sure yet if I'm into it (the only episode of Dr Who I've ever seen that I loved was Blink and the Dr barely features) but I think I might want to keep watching?

Luke Skywalker running away but leaving a map like

Via Rainbow Rowell

Favourite things of 2015 #3: Breakfast at Sayers

To be fair 2015 was not the year I first had breakfast at Sayers. However, it was the year I started having so many breakfasts at Sayers that my dream of being able to order "the usual" came true. It was also the year (mostly) I wrote two terrible novels perched (mostly) at a table at Sayers before work, pecking out awful dialogue while getting chocolate from my breakfast muffin all over the keyboard.

Weekend breakfasts at Sayers with piles of scrambled eggs, newspapers and company are a delight. But it's the weekday breakfasts with me and my laptop that have proved to be a bit of a revelation to me this year. Getting some writing-for-fun done before my day of writing-for-money begins feels great. Doing it while eating a giant muffin (so good) and drinking too much tea is even better.

Christmas is over but there's still time to enjoy(?) this lovely, sad Christmas song

Plus Andy Samberg is very much in my wheelhouse, let's not discount that as a factor

Recently I found myself having a real craving to rewatch Celeste and Jesse forever, a completely charming little movie I haven't thought about in yonks. Only when I was curled up in bed with my laptop, watching the above opening sequence (which I love) did I realise what I really wanted was a bit of an excuse to weep. Enjoy!

Favourite things of 2015 #2: Mad Max: Fury Road

I loved the new Star Wars movie but I pretty much expected to love it. Because of my love for the franchise I also cannot assess it objectively at all, nor do I want to hear arguments from anyone who didn't love it because I just don't care.

Of all the movies I saw this year (and there were a lot of movies) the one that blew me away was Mad Max: Fury Road because I went in thinking hmmmm and came away feeling like I had watched the perfect action film.

Favourite things of 2015 #1: Running

Two friends are back in town for Christmas this year so I've been thinking a bit about what's changed since I saw them last.

There have been plenty of little things I've done and great experiences I've had but the single biggest new thing I've done this year has been to start running and - however implausible it seems - to fall in love with running.

I started running in March or April with the ambition of finishing a 4K, which seemed impossible at the time. When that was done I set my sites on a 12K which seemed even harder. When I finally dragged myself through a half-marathon earlier this month it seemed like the logical conclusion. It was also... almost fun. Scratch the almost it was really fun: the planning and the aftermath, at least, if not the actual running bit, which was on the tiring side.

Running lets me eat more or less what I want without getting Orca fat. It also gives me a sense of achievement (some may call it smugness) and helps minimise anxiety and blue moods. 

With the odd exceptions (I mean sometimes I am really not in the mood) the days that I wake up knowing I'm going for a run are my favourite days. And the days that I wake up to run and then go and eat back those calories with a pile of pillowed eggs or an over-stuffed chocolate muffin are the best days of all.

"I can see Han and Lando, like, competitively jerking off, but not fucking"

Over at Pajiba you can read A Serious Discussion Of Which Original Trilogy Star Wars Character Is Best In Bed and, really, why wouldn't you? Han Solo is the obvious choice, to me, but I think they might have talked me into Obi-Wan just a little bit.

As for the new instalment? Poe, Poe, a thousand times Poe.

Feelings!

I have so many feelings about Star Wars: The Force Awakens. But to avoid even slightly spoiling people I'll just say that I thought it was super rad, much fun and you should go and see it now before you get spoiled. SERIOUSLY WHY WOULD YOU RISK THIS? Also my deep love for Oscar Isaac continues to grow to the point where I have to acknowledge I can never ever interview him for work - in the super unlikely event such an opportunity arose - because I would in no way be able to keep my cool and shit would get weird.

Things my Body Pump instructor says that make me think she's an anarchist:

"That's the way the world controls you. You can't do what you want, you have to do what they say." 

Sure, bitch was talking about the choreography for a new Les Mills biceps track but I think she makes a valid point...

This is what my summer is going to sound like.

Also: the sound of cold drinks being poured into glasses and salty crisps giving way to my super sharp teeth.