Form an orderly queue, girls

I try to steer clear of commenting on anything serious on here. Mostly because I don’t know anything about anything and also because I assume my small readership would prefer to stare gormlessly at semi-naked shots of Milo Ventimiglia than here my talk about… you know, anything.

But this story really got up my nose today, and it’s not entirely because my blood sugar is dangerously low and I have this weird unexplained gash on my knee…

HOME & Away actor Lincoln Lewis's mum said she wouldn't want the girl featuring in a sex tape with her son as a daugher-in-law. Jacqui Lewis was interviewed by Nova 969 Sydney and asked about whether she felt disappointed as a mother after the sex tape came to light last night, Perth Now reports:
"I am glad he is not with that girl anymore," Ms Lewis told the Nova drive show team of Ryan, Monty and Wippa.

"I don't want that as a daughter-in -law.

"She must have said she was willing to do it.

"As a female I wouldn't be doing any of that. We keep things. Have a look at Monica Lewinski, she kept the dress."

It’s not that I don’t think sex tapes are both pretty tacky and completely icky but really – is it the 1950s? By which I mean, is some poor boob of a girl really expected to be the one to keep her legs together while her lovable son is just Being A Boy. Ugh, give me a break, Mrs Lewis. Your real concern should be the fact that your son apparently thinks it is appropiate to make a sex tape and then SHOW THE FOOTAGE TO HIS CAST MATES. Or the sad but undeniable fact that his face resembles a sad condom wearing a dyed Raggedy Andy wig. The sight of his wet pink tongue, flopping like a soft cock across his lips makes me want to cry. Or retch. Or both.