"If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, because I do not give a damn." (Dorothy Parker)
Who needs self defense when you could just use the insanity plea?
take divine inspiration from 'the office' and put their stapler in jelly instead - less likely to get you into legal trouble and much funnier.
Actually I'm now about five seconds away from stapling my own ears closed instead...
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