Pump it

It's funny sometimes when something in your life changes in a way that makes you realise how much other aspects of your life have changed.

That makes zero sense, now that I read it back, so let me explain.

I've had problems with my right shoulder on and off for a good 10 years. It's been diagnosed, essentially, as a rotator cuff problem and I've just always accepted it's one of those things I have to live with. When it flares up I rest it until it feels okay and when it's fine I forget all about it.

No more. This week it has flared up badly and I just realised I am... sick of it. I'm sick of it hurting to do up my bra in the morning, roll over in bed or raise my right arm any higher than shoulder height. I'm sick of the constant ache when it's hurting and feeling perpetually uncomfortable. I'm sick of wondering whether a twinge here or there is the start of a full-on flare up or just a random twinge. So although I am incredibly broke I decided to go and see a physio about my shoulder.

For some stupid reason I've always been a bit suss about physios - it just seemed like nothing I couldn't get from a good massage. But when I had problems with my 'good' shoulder last year (yes, the OTHER one) I saw a physio and it's been absolutely fine ever since. That experience has got me thinking that maybe my long-term problem shoulder can be fixed, not just endured.

The jury's still out on whether it will work - I had my first appointment today and, as a result, now have $20 in the world to get me through the week... awesome - but the thing that made me laugh a little bit was just how depressed I was to hear that I need to lay off my regular gym classes. I knew, of course, that I would have to stop going to body pump/attack/balance for awhile but it still sucked to hear it. I didn't realise how much I was looking forward to going to my balance class until I realised I wouldn't be able to do it.

The bit that made me smile was that a year ago I couldn't have cared less about not being allowed to exercise: I liked to walk a bit, I guess, but that was it. I didn't go to the gym. I didn't do classes. I didn't have any interest in being strong. Now, being told to sit on the sidelines suuuuucks. I worry I'll lose my fledgling muscles. I worry that when I do eventually get to go back I'll have lost so much fitness. I worry, of course, that I won't be able to eat as freely as I currently do, confident the exercise will soak up those pesky extra calories. Exercise has become just a big part of my life I rely on it for stress relief, as much as anything else. Nothing, actually nothing, makes me feel as calm as body balance and nothing makes me feel stronger than going up on my weights at pump and making it through the class.

Le Sigh. For now I'll have to suck it up and maybe consider getting back into cycling classes, which I once enjoyed but find really really boring now for some reason. Until then if you need me I'll be on the couch. Nursing my shoulder.