Saturday, October 17, 2015

Husband Number Two Should Andy Perish In A Tragic House Fire And After I Have Waited An Appropriate Length Of TIme

Come on. Come ooooon: doesn't this guy (photo via The Sartorialist) seem like the best? Just look at him. Look at that smile. Look at that hair. I want to mess up that hair so badly right now I have an actual ache in my bathing suit area. I also really want to borrow that cute little shrunken jacket that seems like it might be, I don't know, velvet? Corduroy? Either way I'm into it. In my mind the first couple of times I borrowed it he'd be charmed because we were madly in love and I'd look adorable even though it didn't really technically button up over my boobs and was kind of too tight on my chubby arms. Then after we moved in together and made that shit official he'd start finding the jacket put away in my cupboard and get a bit pissy with me. After so many years I'd claim the jacket had always been mine and he'd borrowed it off me. Then he'd show me this photo - taken years before we met - to show me what a liar I was and I'd be sad because a) he was right and I was wrong and also a big exposed liar and b) this photo would remind me of how cute and lovely and charming he was once when he was just a smile and a cute haircut and what a dick he's since become and how much I want a divorce.

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