Felines of New York

“I go after the feather. I kill the feather. But the feather keeps coming back. Quite honestly it’s exhausting, but what is life if you’re not going after something? I just need to lay here for another minute. I’ll be fine.”

“I listen to music a lot, but not by choice. I don’t know how to turn it off. If I had it my way this place would be dead silent so I could hear if anything was crawling around.”

“I’m a little worried about entering the current job market. I just don’t think I have the work experience everyone is looking for. I don’t even have a resume. I know this sounds vain, but I’ll have to rely on my youth and good looks to stay afloat for as long as I can.”

“I think you’ll be fine. Nobody expects you to work.”

“Oh. That’s right.”

Via Felines of New York

Things I have been watching lately #1304

“Look out Boots, I’m going to buy a hundred meal 

deals and eat them off a prozzie in the nude.”

5 reasons to watch Mr Robot, according to me, after a weekend binge watch

It's a TV series about hacking that doesn't make hacking seem like magic.

It has female characters who a) aren't love interests for the main dude, b) talk to each other, c) do things.

For every "fuck society" and "down with the man" statement that might make you roll your eyes there's something to suggest the show doesn't 100 per cent buy into a lot of the stuff that comes out of the mouths of its characters.

Rami Malek is, to be sure, distinctive to look at but at some point he became super attractive to me so now that's all I see and it'll happen to you too.

It is a lot of fun.

Completely giving up....

... starring: me.

It's a bit funny, actually

The Richard Curtis film Love Actually seems to me to be one of those things that divides people, like Vegemite and awkward comedy: either you loooooove it and can't stand people who don't love it too or you haaaaaaate it and have no respect for anyone who feels differently.

But I sit somewhere in between: I hate some storylines but I don't hate the film. I love some storylines but I don't love the film. What an enigma I am.

Anyway, what I have been sort of loving is Thirty Days of Love Actually which is, well, what it sounds like. This on Mark (played by the usually delightful Andrew Lincoln) in what is, for my money, the creepiest storyline of them all:

What better way to kick-off this insane project than with a few hundred over a thousand words on the character at the centre of the film’s most controversial plotline - Mark. Settle in for a wild ride as we dissect Mark’s failed attempts at big pimpin, his music tastes and answer the question once and for all - is he a total creep?
Most contemporary analysis of Mark focuses on his quasi-stalking of Keira Knightley’s character, Juliet (who gets married to his best mate Peter at the start of the film), but I’d argue Mark’s weirdness is established much earlier on.
I’ve not yet had the responsibility of being best man at a wedding, but I am familiar with what’s required. Organise the buck’s night, make a speech, don’t be too much of a twat. Sadly, it’s all a bit of a struggle for poor old Mark. We discover in the film’s seventh scene that his attempt to organise Brazilian prostitutes for Peter’s buck’s was derailed when it emerged the prostitutes were, in fact, men. There’s actually another weird bit in the film here when Peter, who is about to get married to Juliet, suggested that it would have been really excellent party if the prostitutes were actually women. Presumably so he could sleep with them? Is sleeping with Brazilian prostitutes a common thing people do immediately prior to getting married? Anyway we’ll cover this in more detail when we get to Peter. Back to Mark.

You can read the rest here.

Adriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan or Unexpected Pleasures in the movie Creed:

1. I didn't need to have seen Rocky to be completely caught up 5 minutes into the movie.
2. Michael B Jordan. In multiple tank-tops. That clung to him when he sweated.
3. Sly Stallone being kinda... charming?
4. It acknowledged that boxing is basically a really stupid thing to do. Which: word.
5. Generic Love Interest was not so generic. She had, I don't know, implied backstory and everything. It's a low bar to clear but I'll take what I can get.
6. Michael B Jordan being charming as hell. Also the tank-top thing. I'm not over it.

Things I still spend money on even though I'm poor because otherwise life would not be worth living: a slightly more upbeat list

Going out for dinner

Going out for breakfast

Going out for wine

Ice-cream

Things I used to spend money on that I no longer spend money on because I'm poor: a depressing list

Magazines (mostly I can borrow these from work anyway)

Books (hello Mr Library)

Massages ("Oh, Andy...")

Pedicures (my toenails are totally fucked up from running anyway so this isn't a great loss)

Classic fucking LOVE STORY?

Um, no. Trying harder The Viewing Lounge.

 “You have a morbid aversion to dying. You probably resent the fact that you're at war and might get your head blown off any second."

"I more than resent it, sir. I'm absolutely incensed."

"You have deep-seated survival anxieties. And you don't like bigots, bullies, snobs, or hypocrites. Subconsciously there are many people you hate."

"Consciously, sir, consciously," Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. "I hate them consciously."

"You're antagonistic to the idea of being robbed, exploited, degraded, humiliated, or deceived. Misery depresses you. Ignorance depresses you. Persecution depresses you. Violence depresses you. Corruption depresses you. You know, it wouldn't surprise me if you're a manic-depressive!"

"Yes, sir. Perhaps I am."

"Don't try to deny it."

"I'm not denying it, sir," said Yossarian, pleased with the miraculous rapport that finally existed between them. "I agree with all you've said.” 

(Joseph Heller, Catch 22)

"Settle for me: in a sad way, Darling, it's fate"

(If this doesn't make you want to watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend then you probably shouldn't watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)

I think maybe I want to make a nest of Lorde's hair and sleep in it...

... that's not weird, is it? (Pics via Rainbow Rowell)

Things I did recently that made me suspect I am not living my best life:

Stole some toilet paper from my favourite cafe. No biggie.

If an angry bear was treated the way rape is

Okay this is not bad, not bad at all.

“You talk too damn much and too damn much of it is about you.”

― Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye

Not obsessed or anything...

... but this is my playlist today:

(Carry On fan art via Leela)

Questions from my husband that make me happy:

"Is it okay if I make nutella pancakes for dinner?"

Worth the bed sores

I'm on the record as being a big Rainbow Rowell fan. I'm also a sucker for fantasy novels and romance. These are three reasons why Rowell's new novel, Carry On, feels like it has been written specifically for me. Unlike, say, Lev Grossman's The Magician's, it's not necessarily a novel I'd recommend for everyone, even if I do think it's been heavily influenced by the Grossman series. Without wanting to do spoilers there are some elements of it some people might not be into and the central mystery could probably be more mysterious or convoluted if that was what the book was about which, well, it's kind of not.However, I would urge anyone who likes fantasy of the Harry Potter type and/or likes Rowell's other novels to give this one a red hot crack because I loved it. I read 90 per cent of it in one sitting and it was worth the bed sores.

Husband Number Two Should Andy Perish In A Tragic House Fire And After I Have Waited An Appropriate Length Of TIme

Come on. Come ooooon: doesn't this guy (photo via The Sartorialist) seem like the best? Just look at him. Look at that smile. Look at that hair. I want to mess up that hair so badly right now I have an actual ache in my bathing suit area. I also really want to borrow that cute little shrunken jacket that seems like it might be, I don't know, velvet? Corduroy? Either way I'm into it. In my mind the first couple of times I borrowed it he'd be charmed because we were madly in love and I'd look adorable even though it didn't really technically button up over my boobs and was kind of too tight on my chubby arms. Then after we moved in together and made that shit official he'd start finding the jacket put away in my cupboard and get a bit pissy with me. After so many years I'd claim the jacket had always been mine and he'd borrowed it off me. Then he'd show me this photo - taken years before we met - to show me what a liar I was and I'd be sad because a) he was right and I was wrong and also a big exposed liar and b) this photo would remind me of how cute and lovely and charming he was once when he was just a smile and a cute haircut and what a dick he's since become and how much I want a divorce.

Favourite Things I Have Done in Thailand This Week

1. Sat on my balcony listening to this.

2. Not set my alarm clock.

3. Breakfasted alone. For, like, 2 hours with my book.

4. Snorkelled in really deep water and not thought about sharks the whole time. To clarify: I thought about sharks most of the time so I didn't really enjoy this while I was doing it, per se, but I did feel chuffed with myself for not being a total pussy and staying on the boat.

5. Ate a LOT of really good food. Last night's six course meal (seven if you count the little swinging chocolates at the end) was a real highlight, even if I was in danger of having to roll out of the restaurant.

6. Demonstrated iron will power by not drinking every wine or cocktail put in front of me... which was a lot.

7. Encountered charming Aussies running hotels or restaurants or both over here. Once of them grew up a street away from me.

8. Had two of the best massages I've ever had. I still feel a bit like I was beaten up but in the best possible way.

9. Fell asleep in the sun.