Text THIS, Buster (is what I *should* text back)

Every now and again, I get a random text from a chap I was kinda friendly and a bit flirtatious with forever ago. Like: YEARS ago. Whatever. He's a nice guy but we basically have nothing to do with each other these days, except for the fact that he's still on my phone and we're probably, I don't know, Facebook friends. Anyway, every now and again I get a text from this chap that drive me crazy. It goes like this:

Him: Hey. How're you going. Saw/heard/smelt ________ and it reminded me I haven't seen you in forever. How's it going?

Me: [Appropriately thoughtful and friendly response]

Him: [Nothing].

Seriously, this happens every time. I hear from him out of the blue, politely text him back and then he fails to reply. I mean... why... BOTHER. What's the point? Does he just like to remind me that he still exists? Is it just to check that I haven't deleted him from my phone? Is he FUCKING WITH ME?

To clarify, I have nothing against the random out-of-the-blue text: there are plenty of people in my life I've lost touched with for periods over the years and I always enjoy hearing from them, even if it's just to touch base and see what's new. Sometimes I don't have time to catch up with someone I've been meaning to catch up with and a little text volley back and forth can serve as a placeholder, a way of popping the friendship onto a warming plate, if you will, so you can tuck in once you have the time. But this... this single text and then silence drives me insane, which is a completely out of proportion response, given that the rest of the time I don't give him two seconds thought. It also drives me crazy that I am, myself, incapable of NOT responding to his text. I mean, I can see that is the sensible course of action but I just can't. It seems so... rude. All of which is a long-winded way of saying you should be reading this very amusing (and short) Hairpin series, Reading Between the Texts. It is both hilarious and falls under the category Things I Wish I'd Written Even Thought I Couldn't Actually Have Done It That Well. Or, you know, TIWIWETICAHDITW for short.