Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I didn't even mention Fantastic Four...

Okay so I can't believe it but I actually got a scented candle from my Secret Santa. Seriously - I'm looking at the rose-scented sucker right now. It would have been less sad if I hadn't thought it was a bottle of booze when I first saw the package.

But I'm over it. I've made peace it and, more generally, with the scented candles of the world. They're kinda pretty, they smells nice and, if there's a power blackout they could come in mighty handy. And, yeah, at least I wasn't the one who got the torch.

See that: I'm a happy, go-lucky person now. Well, since lunch anyway. Why is this? Is it because I've matured and grown as a person? Is it the two glasses of wine I had at lunch? Why don't you be the judge.

I think saying I've 'matured' would be a stretch but it has been a pretty eventful freaking year and a lot has changed. For instance, this time last year I was living with my parents. And this year I will be... living with my parents by Christmas.

Anyway, it's got me thinking about the past year... oh yes - that's right, dear reader. It's 'looking back at the year' time of year. Already. Gosh time flies. Don't back out now.

To make this self indulgent exercise more palatable I have, for your entertainment, listed the best and the worst highlights/lowlights of this year and paired it with a movie (some in cinemas, some on dvd) that I've seen this year of similar quality. Let's read on...

1. Walk the Line.
Landed a job I love, despite no experience or qualifications, thanks to luck and a small amount of resume beefing (only small, Mum, I promise). Some days at work put me in as good a mood as listening to Ring of Fire does.

2. Alexander.
Relationship meltdown. But you all know this. Total pants. Can't say this enough. Called it quits on the former well before the end but not on the latter.

3. Brokeback Mountain.
Realised how much I love and rely on my friends all over again. I'm being as mushy as the movie but you really do find out who your friends are when other parts of your life turn to shit. I was a whiny, down in the dumps muppet for quite some time and they hung out with me and listened to me and let me change my mind a dozen times without being judgy. This includes Ruthie too.

4. Miami Vice
Had to leave an office that I loved. Unexpectedly crappy, though at least I wasn't forced to grow a moustache and speak in an unconvincing accent.

5. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
New office is different but also very good value. And if Robert Downey Junior worked in Sales... well... phew... what was I saying?

6. Tristan and Isolde
Have to move home with parents and say goodbye to Kym and Sach. Relinquish independence. Also need to find James Franco a new agent. Possibly in my pants.

7. The Departed.
Looking at buying a house. Finally I can put blu-tack on the walls.

8. White Chicks.
Mum had major operation, forcing me to realise I can be an inadequate daughter sometimes. Almost as frightening as seeing those two brothers (and I don't mean "brothers" - I'm pretty sure they're actually related) in this movie.

9. The Forsythe Saga. (A re-watch counts - I'm having trouble thinking of movies)
Finished first ever book. Even if it is kinda pants.

10. War of the Worlds.
Okay I can't actually think of anything else particularly bad but man the end of this movie blew big and it blew hard. Giving Tom Cruise tight jeans, some hip, 'urban' (read: black) young 'friends' does not make me more appealing and/or less alienating and creepy to a young audience. No it does not. This movie raise so many questions for me, and not philosophical ones, just simple queries about the movie's logic, how some things could possibly happen etc. And, seriously, why get Morgan Freeman to narrate if you're going to give him one or two expanatory lines that explain nothing?

11. Casino Royale.
Just good stuff that happened to my friends, such as Alley Cat who left a shit job to be a doctor (the nerdy kind), another who surprised the hell out of us all by getting engaged and one who landed a sweet job, even if it necessitates moving to the dreaded S.O.T.R (South of the River).

Think I'd better stop now as I'm about one more glass away from 'god bless us, every one.'

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is easily the most self-indulgent crap that has ever been published on the net. I hope that if you truly are a journalist, that it is for some Christian Outreach paper that doesn't get mass circulation, because I would hate to think that any of your writing is inflicted upon the general public.

I find it hilarious that people like you have such an inflated sense of self-importance, so as to make you think anyone gives a fuck about anything you have to say.

Next time you sit in front of your keyboard, with a bit of free time (which you must have in abundance), please do us all a favour and type away with the PC turned off - you'll be doing a great service to humanity.

Rebecca said...

I love reading a well written, funny blog from someone I actually know. If only because my name might be mentioned somewhere along the line.

And is it so wrong that part of the reason I love the end of the year is because of all the retrospectives? Because I do. A lot.

My name is Kate. said...

Hey Anonymous, let's not lose touch again.

My name is Kate. said...

And Bec, it's only your reading presence that stops me from cribbing shamelessly off Sars or Pamie.

boltongray said...

I love it when people leave abusive messages on your blog anonymously.
I love people who have the courage of their convictions.
I think perhaps this particular person has missed the very point of blogging as a means of communication.
I think perhaps they need a jolly good root at some point to help them de-stress. I suggest they go fuck themselves, and see if that helps.
And hey, anonymous, if you feel like leaving me an abusive message, please do so. You can follow the link. Unlike you, I'm quite happy to put my name to things that I write/say.

My name is Kate. said...

I don't know, it's probably hard for anyone to fuck themselves when they're just one, giant asshole.

Anonymous said...

I apologise sincerely Kate. I had thought that your blog was the most self-indulgent crap that had ever been published on the net. However, after further research I think the title should be stripped from you and given to Bolton Gray.

I can see that while yours is a psuedo-diary, written more for your pleasure than anyone else's, Bolton Gray's is supremely self-edifying and that, my dear, is exponentially worse.

I suppose there is a place for blogs... a place where mutually wanky people can unzip their trousers and flop out their writing for a good old fashioned measuring contest. I just wish it could be done via some kind of encrypted intra-net, so there would be no chance of an innocent person (ie me) stumbling into your little 'circle of wank'.

But once again Kate, I'm sorry, it is not my place to have a go at you - i'm sure there are bigger fish to fry.

My name is Kate. said...

Oh my god, like anyone gives a shit.

boltongray said...

you know, i suspect "anonymous" is the only person who's arrogance and self-importance is causing anyone any offence.

you know what, fucktard, it's really not that hard to avoid visiting blogs belonging to people you don't know.

it's not that hard to avoid leaving comments on them.

it's also not that hard to avoid going back to see what kind of a rise you've got out of the people you've abused.

kate here is too smart to give a shit. i also don't give a flying fuck, i just think pointless scrotes like you shouldn't go unanswered.

judging by your maturity, I take it you're about 13, yeah?

Anonymous said...

Fucktard?? And you are suggesting that I'm only 13?

Actually, I'm only 11 and a half - perhaps that explains why I seem unable to stop responding to boring web-blogs. Ahhh, the sweet innocence of youth, eh?

Anyways, you are exactly right though - Kate is far too intelligent to be drawn into such a conversation, and it does serve to make me feel even worse that I criticised her in the first place. There are so many horrible blogs, and sometimes one does need to make a stand against the misuse of our precious bandwidth. There's only so much to go around, don't you know?

But in this case, I got it wrong - hence the apology. Granted, it probably doesn't count for much after someone says you are behind 'the most self-indulgent crap that has ever been published on the net', but all I can do is apologise and feel bad about it. I've done both.

I think it is entirely more interesting, however, that this Bolton Gray character should jump to your defence, Kate. You responded to my poorly judged comment with the perfect amount of disdain and disinterest. After reading it, I wasn't compelled to add anything further and would have probably gone off to find amusement elsewhere.

Then along came Bolton on his white horse...ooops, that's actually his ego... and now that I look more closely it is probably more of a donkey... Regardless, with a desire only to show-off how tough he can be (if there was an emoticon for 'swoon' I would have inserted it there), he proceeded to make the situation worse. I can hardly walk away from someone commenting that I should 'fuck myself' now, can I? Especially not upon discovering that this person is the owner of a blog so disgustingly self-indulgent, that it makes me want to make a full apology to poor kate.

You know what, maybe I'm starting to see that there is a point to all this blog stuff - it almost feels empowering to publish my pointless opinions. Almost.

Admit it, my friends, you are secretly happy that someone out there in the wide-world has discovered your little corner of the net. Recognition! And trust me when I say that these comments are the most interesting things anyone will read on these pages.

Once again, sorry Kate.

Fucktard....haha, that's funny. If you like funny, do be sure to check out the comment I left for Bolton. But don't worry Bolto, your stuff about blood pressure tablets was pretty funny too. Not 'haha' funny, sure, but you keep swinging, slugger!

My name is Kate. said...

I take it back, Anon. Let's lose touch again after all. Starting right now.

Bolton Gray said...

I am amazed you have the temerity to bang on about self-indulgence and self-promotion and ego and opinion when that is EXACTLY why you're into leaving these comments.

And while you continue to remain anonymous you will forever be a coward.

Probably some fat ginger IT nerd with an orange beard, sauce stains on your greying shirt, with one hand on your PS2 and the other on your 2 inch penis, masturbating over the animated bust of Lara Croft.

It's easy to play at being superior when you're anonymous. Less so in person. I defy you to actually engage in a conversation with either Kate or I. Let us pick apart our lives and see who is more healthy, stable, viable, successful, etc.

Trust me, you'll lose.

And if you won't engage in the discussion, then you already lost.

I understand that this is how you get your kicks. That's cool. Debate, argument, critique and discussion is how I get mine.

So come on, debate me properly, on even ground.

But you won't. Because you're every bit as pathetic as I know you are.

Anonymous said...

Pathetic...perhaps. Something does occur to me though - earlier in our little conversation on Kate's page I made reference to a funny little comment I left on your blog, Bolto. Do you remember? Well, it was really quite funny if I do have to toot my own trumpet.

What is fucking hilarious is that Mister 'You are a Coward/You are Pathetic' Gray quickly rushed to delete the comment from his page before any of his blog-buddies could see that he had been properly lampooned. Now that strikes me as being entirely more pathetic and cowardly than anything I've done.

Surely someone who is so keen to 'pick apart our lives and see who is more healthy, stable, viable, successful, etc', wouldn't have been so desperate to delete any criticism? I thought you liked to debate, argue, critique and discuss? I think perhaps you prefer to act like an intellectual when clearly you are just a kid who is an above average writer (only slightly, mind), and when push comes to shove your little bite doesn't live up to your self-important bark.

I've got to say, we all had a good laugh when we saw that Bolto had deleted my comments - me and my fellow red-headed IT nerds.

Ooops, I almost forgot. I'm not a red-headed IT nerd. That's the interesting thing about blogs and anonymity - I know what you look like, and I know more than enough about your little life - so if I ever had the inclination, I think I'd be fairly confident going into the whole life pick-apart thing. (Obviously, this is not directed at Kate - I'm sure she's perfectly lovely)

It would seem quite useless to continue any discussion on your page Bolto, as you'll just delete any comments that show you up. But I'll persist, in the vain hope that maybe you'll live up to your big talk and not prove yourself to be as cowardly as you are so convinced I am.

Bolton Gray said...

I still have copies of what you wrote and you can actually be prosecuted under Australian law - specifically the Commonwealth Cyberspace Crime Act 2001. Your posts qualify as harrassment and cyberstalking.
As you are probably also aware, you can be traced.
Now kindly, crawl back under the rock you came from.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bolto,

I was just wondering if you could direct me to the particular sub-clause that deals with making comments on blogs in that particular piece of legislature? It's a pretty weighty document, I know cause I keep a copy on my desk - right next to a beautifully framed photo of your face, I know you want the world to look at you, so I'm sure you won't mind. Besides, it does make reading your posts much more enjoyable for all my friends because now we can point and laugh as well.

Maybe I'm not as patient as I once was, so I think I'll address the issue of prosecuting cyber-criminals without waiting for you to get back to me on the relevant section of law.

I think your lawyer may have a hard time bringing this one to court. I'm pretty sure it's not a crime to criticise someone's writing, as I did to poor Kate. Especially when you write in a public forum that ALLOWS public comment. At any rate, I'm sure you noticed that I apologised profusely to her (and I did actually mean it).

In response to my first post she did say 'let's not lose touch', and as you know it would have been impossible for me to discern any sarcasm in her tone, so it is reasonable to believe she wanted to hear more from me.

Then there's you, Bolto. I'm sure you've spent a lot of time re-reading our little conversation, desperately trying to come up with something that might fool people into thinking that you are as intelligent as YOU think you are. Sure, while the best you could come up with was some guff about cyber-law (an admission of defeat if ever I saw), it must have been apparent to you that you have done nothing but encourage me to continue writing to you.

'Engage me debate' - aren't those your words? I'm pretty sure that in a legal sense that amounts to being complicit in everything that has gone on.

Now I did say the 'F' word in my first post to Kate, but I think from that minor slip my writing has been pretty child friendly - lucky for you and your delicate sensibilites, hey bolto? You on the other hand have called me a 'fucktard'(whatever that is), and suggested that i was 'masturbating over a bust of Lara Croft' and highlighted the fact that I only have a '2 inch penis'.

Now that I think about it, maybe it would be a good idea to get the lawyers involved - I think I might have a case. Relax Bolto, I wouldn't do that to you.

One thing does occur to me though, and I have mentioned it to you before - just stop writing back. Surely someone as fabulous as you so clearly think you are shouldn't need to lower themselves to the level of petty cyber-squabbling?

If you truly are the big man that you like to pretend to be, why don't you just not respond? Let me have the last word. What difference should that make to you? Sure, all of your buddies will know that you've given up and acknowledged when you'd met your better, but apart from that slight tarnishing of your self-perpetuated reputation, there'll be no impact on you at all.

In case you do take my advice, and I never hear from you again, I just want you to know that you have provided amusement to all of us (at the last count I think it was about 37 people, give or take a couple). And it makes me glad that you've kept all my comments - read them carefully, it'll improve your writing. We all need to aspire to something, don't we Bolto?

We'll all be waiting with baited breath to see what you decide to do.

Bolton Gray said...

As long as we're all having fun.

I'm free for dinner Friday, if you're interested.

Anonymous said...

You really can't stop writing back, can you Bolto? It's almost tragic to see someone so enslaved by their ego. I think it's a step in the right direction that you've stopped this silly talk of cyber legislation, and adopted a more subdued tone. Sure, it comes off as smarmy, but I think that comes more naturally to you anyway. Stick with it.

I still dare you not to respond - but I know you will.

Oh, and dinner sounds great - your place or mine? Just a thought though, being overly nice is a response that only works when you are smart enough not to call someone a 'fucktard' first. Go back and you'll see Kate had the idea right from the start. Don't worry Bolto, you'll come up with something original soon - I have faith in you.

Oh and remember, all you have to do is not respond and the conversation comes to a halt. Maybe you could even pretend you're being the bigger person and save face with your buddies. After all, you could write all sorts of stuff about me in private emails to your pals, and I would never know - and it would be almost like you've HAD the last word. Almost.

Think about it.

My name is Kate. said...

As diverting as this has been I'm calling this shit over.

Anon, you can keep your distance from my self-indulgent waste of space -it might hold some mild interest for you if we were friends but there's probably a very good reason we're not.

Hope you and your 37 friends had a great old time.

It's been emotional.

Anonymous said...

Kate, the pleasure has been all mine. Thankyou for saving Bolto from himself.

My apologies if the intrusion has been too painful - I know more than most what a wanker I can be. Still, I would like to think that it might have been slightly amusing for the casual observer.

Anyways, I am sorry that I criticised you in the first place - looking back on it I can't remember why I was so annoyed - your page serves its purpose and probably brings much joy to all your pals.

And unless I'm provoked by Bolto, that's all she wrote. xxx

Anonymous said...

Poo and wee mixed together.

Anonymous said...

Poo and wee mixed together.