Chin, chin

The best thing about the steady flow of “news” in the form of what food or drink or habit will kill you/extend your life/grow you a second head that does nothing but kiss you and tell you you’re lovely is that you can pretty much pick or choose what you want to listen to. For those of us who don’t like being told they are drinking and eating themselves into an early grave this is simply brilliant.

For instance, I tend to plead a temporary blackout when someone mentions alcohol consumption being tied to short term memory loss, brain cell damage or um, the rest of it, but as soon as I hear good news, I crack open another bottle. So I had cause for celebration today when I read the following:

“Moderate drinkers are at 30% lower risk of heart disease than teetotallers,
according to a study of nearly 12,000 people.”

Hurrah, bring it on I say. However I’m forced to claim blackout again a sentence later to tune out this bit:

“And those who combine a mild tipple with regular exercise are even less likely
to die of the disease.”

Because, you know, I’m lazy. Exercise, schmexercise – I walk to get the bottle opener don’t I? Oh wait it’s a screw top…

Similarly the rest of it – the “moderate” drinking emphasis, the repeated mentions of exercise and the absence of the call to drink whatever you want whenever you want and in whatever quantities you want – I gloss over. Thus in my head this article is telling me that not only is my drinking completely great, I should be doing more of it. In fact I should be drunk right now. God bless the internet, my selective memory and the people who do these studies. And make mine a double.