To: Guy with his hand down his pants
Me: There are probably more discreet ways to scratch your balls, young man. Say, absolutely any other way you can think of.
To: The girl trying to see what her arse looks like in those black jeans by craning her neck around and squeezing both buttock cheeks.
Message: Don't worry, sweetheart, your arse looks great.
To: Everyone else
Me: Fuuuuuuuuuuck you.