I think somebody working at google is watching me. That’s all I can think of. And it gives me the wiggins.
Allow me to explain.
I have long been amused by the adds my gmail account choses to show me on a daily basis. Sometimes they’re scarily apt as to what I’m emailing about, sometimes they’re just scary, such as the slew of baby product ads I got when I was discussing the pros (?) and cons of breeding with someone or other.
But today someone is taking their job a little too seriously and going on the offensive. For instance, while replying to an email from my brother about UK radio personality Karl Pilkington, no less, I received the following displayed down the left hand side of my screen.
10 Skinny Rules
I lost 9 lbs. in 11 days, just by following these 10 simple rules.
FatLoss4Idiots.com
Trouble Losing Belly Fat?
5 Shocking Facts You Need to Know About Losing Belly Fat...
TruthAboutAbs.com
5 Tips for a Flat Stomach
Stop making these 5 mistakes & you will finally lose your belly fat!
www.BellyFatIsUgly.net
Broken Relationship?
Instant Relief From Break Up Pain & Fastest Plan To Get Your Ex Back.
GetYourExBackNow.com
At no point were the words ‘fat’, ‘diet’ ‘exercise’ etc used in my email, or my brother’s. Nor, come to mention it, ‘break-up’, ‘ex’ or anything that could prompt this sort of unwanted life suggestions.
The only solution I can come up with is that someone, somewhere, can see me. They work for google and they know what I look like. Hey, I don’t know much about computers or, you know, technology, so for all I know this is possible. Sure, I know how to MAKE it work but I have no idea HOW it works. As far as I’m concerned the big gmail icon in the corner of my screen is a portal to a US office where google executives lounge about in ridiculously comfy armchairs, snorting at my soft corners and the gentle ripple in my thighs when the wind catches them.
Cocks.
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