1. I love you, lemon tree.
2. Why haven't you ever grown me any lemons?
3. What am I doing wrong? Am I giving you too much water or not enough? Why are you not responding appropriately to these expensive citrus fertiliser pellets I got from Bunnings? Is it because I accidentally got them wet and they all stuck together in one giant clump that I can no longer scoop out of the box?
4. Why do you hate me?