I mention this because it's occurred to me lately that I'm not a particularly good person. I'm no monster - I try not to actively make other peoples' lives worse, I have my handful of standing orders in place - but there are many aspects of my character I don't particularly like and a few that make me feel downright awful if I think about them too hard, which obviously I try very hard not to do. With this in mind I have compiled a list of bad traits/character flaws I do not possess to convince myself I don't really need to change my ways and be a better person. So, you know, I may be kind of a cruddy human being at times but at least I don't...
- Kill people. That's right. I'm setting the bar pretty low. I don't kill people. I have never shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. That's something, right?
- Hurt Animals. Again: no shit. Who the fuck DOES hurt animals/kill people except serial killers or serial killers in the making? Patting myself on the back for this one seems like describing someone as a great boyfriend because he only hits you where it doesn't show. But bear with me, I'm just warming up.
- Double dip. On the other end of the spectrum, sure, but still: that's a check in the plus column.
- Wear harem pants. I will never undertand the appeal of these diaper pants. If you want a pair of pants you can do a shit and nobody will notice maybe you need to re-evaluate your life.
- Ignore Beggars. Okay, so I'm really sure randoms begging on the side of the street reeeeally appreciate my patronising smile and whispered "I'm sorry" when I don't have change/am not in the mood. Doubtless my recognition of their humanity Makes Their Day. No wait, I think they'd prefer $5.
- Kill Spiders. I'm not quite sure this is a virtue (does the world really need more spiders?) but I have to believe that opting not to kill a sentient being when you can just as easily trap it in a glass and escort it politely out to the garden makes the world a slightly better place. Flies of the world may disagree with me.
- Write indulgent blogs that will only be of passing interest to close friends who take an active interest in my life and absolutely nobody else. Oh, wait...