“You do care a little for me, I know... but nothing to speak of, and you don't love me. I was yours once till death if you'd cared to keep me, but I'm someone else's now... and he's mine in a way that shocks you, but why don't you stop being shocked, and attend to your own happiness.”

(E.M Forster, Maurice)

6 Things I don't understand about...

... this fucking stupid article I read.

1. Why she bothered to write it.

2. Why I bothered to read it.

3. Why I'm bothering to blog about it now, potentially encouraging more people to waste five minutes of their life.

4. Why someone I know on Facebook 'liked' it.

5. Why I thought I could really generate 6 dot points responding to this one bit of inanity. Fuck off Carolyn Hall.

6. ...

“Did I want him to act? Or would I prefer a lifetime of longing provided we both kept this little Ping-Pong game going: not knowing, not-not-knowing, not-not-not-knowing? Just be quiet, say nothing, and if you can't say "yes," don't say "no," say "later." Is this why people say "maybe" when they mean "yes," but hope you'll think it's "no" when all they really mean is, Please, just ask me once more, and once more after that?” 

(Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name)

A text I sent to my brother today that might have outed me as a closet racist maybe?

I tried to watch a movie called The Resident, drawn by a stellar cast of Javier Bardem! Lee Pace! Hillary Swank! It was... not good. I mean Pace's gross 90s pleated pants (the movie was made in 2011) were the least of its problems and they were heinous.

Yeah, turns out Javier Bardem is not in that shitty movie. The guy I thought was him was Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who is in no way Spanish. In my defence, I do legitimately seem to have mental problems when it comes to recognising faces I've only seen once or twice. To this day I'm still living down 1) Failing to recognise my good chum Bec's charming brother days after meeting him and talking to him for a good hour, and 2) Failing to recognise one of the main characters in a TV series because in between scenes he put on a different outfit and did his hair funny. Yeeeeeeahhh.

To conclude: definitely mental, only potentially racist. That's my story.

Not lying

I'm sorry but word to the wise: you still really need to read Saga.

Strictly for Serial fans...

... Jay speaks(!)

*Really* hard questions

I've fallen well and truly down a Lee Pace wormhole recently, as you, erm, may have noticed. The weird thing is I thought he was ten types of cute way back in the days of Wonderfalls but kind of forgot about him until right about now. Since this rediscovery I've gone and sucked up up much of his back catalogue, from the sublime to the, well, ridiculous.

In the process I well and truly fell for Pushing Daisies - a TV show starring Pace that my dear and wise friend Ali tried to push down my throat years ago but which, for reasons best chalked up to my stupidity, I resisted.

Pushing Daisies - and I speak as someone who has binged on the show's only two seasons over the past two weeks - is delightful not just because of Pace but because of the gorgeous, gorgeous costumes bestowed on his love interest: Anna Friel as Chuck. Seriously, if I had to choose between going home with Pace or Chuck's wardrobe I... might have some hard choices to make.

It's all about the hat. My GOD the hat.

You too could look this good sitting on a car in this dress.

What better way to entrance your boyfriend (who can't touch you for reasons I won't bother going into) than a saucy vintagesque basque?

One of my favourite Solving Crimes dress. Her handbag in the blazer is pretty spiffing too.

She even makes pants look good. Which is really not fair.

Here are some things on the internet you could read while you digest Christmas lunch

If you read a lot you'll probably come across a lot of The Year That Was articles at this time of year. This one by Charlie Brooker for The Guardian is my favourite. Here's a sample:

"Westminster also found itself mired in scandal when a decades-old dossier containing the names of various high-profile figures suspected of paedophilia went missing. A search turned up nothing. Well, these things happen. It’s an easy mistake to make, especially in an organisation of that size. Maybe someone just accidentally shredded it with sweating, shaking hands and one foot up against the door."

I'm a big fan of a lot of the writing that goes on for Sali Hughes' beauty site and this cute little bit about the joys of getting ready for a night out is no exception.

This New Statesman piece by Elizabeth Minkel on fandom ("Exploring the shifting dynamics of fan culture") is fun reading for anyone interested in the subject and I don't just say that because she quotes my beloved Rainbow Rowell.

If you haven't seen that thing where bored coworkers recreate classic paintings using office supplies, well, maybe you should.

Back at The Guardian Annalisa Barbieri's idea of how to spend Christmas Day sounds, well, blissful. I'd probably ditch the kids, though.

In case you were wondering...

... Keating's still got it.

Yes

Source: http://maggieesmerelda.tumblr.com/post/39151077093

Don't mind me

I'm just chilling over here, drowning in my Lee Pace obsession. In my head I am the lion cub. Ain't no thang.

(Almost) Holiday Reading

This article - "I Talked to People on Tinder About 'Serial' and This is What Happened" - really delivers on its title. Great idea, by the way.

In which I lay some TV truth on ya'll

If you're not watching the pretty great TV series The Flash because you're not really into superhero malarky but you can handle some relationship schmalz then you should also know that this week's episode* features the most classy 'hey best friend, I'm actually super into you even though you have a boyfriend' scene I've seen in awhile. Too often these kind of scenes come off as creepy or aggressive, like the guy expects that just because he's rolled it out there the girl owes him something (I know if I thought hard enough I could come up with some examples of this but it's lunchtime and I'm really jonesing for a cheese toastie). Full credit to the writers and the charming Grant Gustin for pulling it off. Also, dude: you could probably do better. Iris seems like kinda a pill.




* I wondered whether to SPOILER ALERT this but seriously if you can't tell this scene is coming one way or another after watching 15 minutes of the first episode of this show then you may... have some problems.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me explain why the tweet above has me so goddamn excited.

1. Last year American author Rainbow Rowell wrote a book called Fangirl about a young girl who writes fan fiction. The fan fiction was based on a series of fantasy books - "Simon Snow" that sounded a lot like Harry Potter.

2. Fangirl was awesome - one of my favourite books of 2013. As part of the book it included snippets of the main character's fan fiction. As unlikely as it sounds those snippets were a big part of why the book was so good: I really wanted to find out what happened in that other world.

3. Rainbow Rowell is now writing a book BASED ON THAT FICTIONAL FANTASY SERIES. And I am dying with excitement.

This is... I don't know what this is...

... but it did make me laugh.

“There are ships sailing to many ports, but not a single one goes where life is not painful.”

(Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet)

Things I ate today: marble melting moment

I've recently 'discovered' and fallen for the podcast Mike And Tom Eat Snacks, a podcast that is.... pretty much exactly what it sounds like. What are they about? They pick a snack, they eat a snack, they rate a snack. What do they stand for? Respect for women. 

I'm sorry, that's a joke for fans only. But, honestly: it's a lot of fun, would recommend to a friend.

So it's with a nod to that delightful product that I introduce a new maybe-regular feature for my far less delightful blog in which I, well, rate my daily snacks. Unlike M&T I'm not out there picking different and interesting snacks to write about - this is more of a lazyarse 'write about what I happen to be eating anyway' kind of a thing. Given my afternoon tea treat most days is a little block of Lindt dark chocolate this feature may be... short-lived. Or repetitive

Still, there was no Lindt dark chocolate for me this week. Instead, I present: a marble melting moment I ate yesterday! Excitement!

The snack: A marble melting moment biscuit from The Exchange coffee shop in Osborne Park.

Appearance: Pleasing. Not as bulbous as a conventional melting moment, it looks like two chocolate chip biscuits sandwiched around a generous smear of chocolate icing.

Taste: Unfortunately it does not taste like two chocolate chip biscuits sandwiched around a smear of chocolate icing. For starters, there are no chips, per se, in the biscuit. Rather, the chocolate swirl has the same consistency as the rest of the biscuit. That makes sense, I'm not sure why I expected chips, but it's disappointing nonetheless. The chocolate filling, too, is a little disappointing: it’s chocolate and tastes sort of like icing but not – and here’s my key disappointment – like the butter-cream frosting I’d been hoping for. Again, this is really more my problem than the biscuit's: it didn't promise me butter-cream frosting or chips and yet I was disappointed by their absence. Perhaps I'm being too harsh. Ultimately the biscuit tastes pretty much like a regular melting moment, with chocolate substituted for the conventional vanilla or passionfruit filling, and I am not a big fan of melting moment. In hindsight, I may have chosen... poorly.

The verdict: A perfectly acceptable biscuit snack if you like melting moments. If I were peckish, in the mood for a biscuit and someone offered me one I'd take it and take it gladly. But would I order it again over, say, a chocolate brownie, lemon slice or these salty chocolate bars I've got hooked on lately? Unlikely.

I'm *dying*

Via Facebook

Trap for young players

If you, like me, frequently have to cause to regret reading below the line, you probably need to read this:

The 20 Unhappiest People You Meet In The Comments Sections Of Year-End Lists

That Chris Rock essay everyone's talking about is really good.

But don't take my word for it.

The Victoria Secret show thing is kind of bullshit

I... don't really have that much more to say about it but maaaaan to misquote the greatest movie of all time I do not think the show is about what it says it's about.

In which I quote from the Bible for what I assume will be the first and last time.

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

- St. Paul

Via floccinaucinihilipilificationa

Things that are making me happy today

This this blog exists. That I found this blog. That this blog is probably one of many devoted to this particular (and, might I say, particularly hot) maybe-couple. Sometimes the internet is a wonderful thing