Implausible Claims Made by Vanilla Ice in His 1990 No. 1 Hit "Ice Ice Baby." (Courtesy of McSweeneys)
- "Ice is back with my brand-new invention."
- "Turn off the lights and I'll glow."
- "I rock a mike like a vandal."
- "I'm killin' your brain like a poisonous mushroom."
- "I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon."
- "I go crazy when I hear a cymbal and a high hat."
- "I grabbed my nine."
- "I'm a lyrical poet."
- "My style's like a chemical spill."
- "If my rhyme was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram."
- "If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it."
2 comments:
the only place i'd prefer be spending my new year's tonight (rather than at home with some killer lime and coconut ice-cream and enough sushi to sink a ship) is at the coogee pub in sydney, where mr vanilla will be cooking mc's like a pound of bacon in person. i can't believe he's actually in the same country as me and i'm not going to be there. i really do believe that knowing all the words to ice ice baby is an untapped talent that will one day save my life or make me very rich.
If I'd known just how atrocious it really was going to be I would have paid double. Seriously. He fulfilled most of said promises, too.
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