Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Mother? Not Mother?

I am starting to feel a bit old. It's not so much the fact that two lovely friends of mine recently got engaged, nor even the fact that I agree just a teensy bit with Charlie Brooker when he says:
"Clubs are such insufferable dungeons of misery, the inmates have to take mood-altering substances to make their ordeal seem halfway tolerable. This leads them to believe they "enjoy" clubbing. They don't. No one does. They just enjoy drugs.
Drugs render location meaningless. Neck enough ketamine and you could have the best night of your life squatting in a shed rolling corks across the floor. And no one's going to search you on the way in. Why bother with clubs? "Because you might get a shag," is the usual response. Really? If that's the only way you can find a partner - preening and jigging about like a desperate animal - you shouldn't be attempting to breed in the first place. What's your next trick? Inventing fire? People like you are going to spin civilisation into reverse. You're a moron, and so is that haircut you're trying to impress."

No, no what is making me feel old is the idea of Lily Allen being a mother. I like Lily Allen - both her music and my perception of her personality. I can see why she drives people up the wall but, frick, she's only 22 and I've always sort of admired her ballsy attitude but... a child? Jesus, this is what people do now, is it? Have brilliant fledgling career, find some boy and breed?

I shouldn't be harsh because I don't have anything (ok much) against people who want to procreate but at 22 - really? You're going to spend the next 18 years of your life looking after this thing, are you? It's parenthood from here on out?

Actually I really should shut up because at least I like Lily Allen, other then the other halfwits who seem to pop them out at absurdly early ages. Better Lily Allen, I should feel, than the female equivalent of that dude who beat his "difficult" child With. A. Belt. And yet... Either way I shudder at the idea that I could have had a child three years ago, making me the same age as Ms Allen. Bloody Hell. Putting aside the poor state the damn child would be in by now how different would my life be? I wouldn't have the job I do, or the job I had, meaning I wouldn't have the friends I do, do the things I do and, by assocation, think the things I think. My view, backed up by absolutely nothing in the way of evidence, has always been, that having a child means putting yourself second for the next 18 years. I may be a hideous selfish person in recognising that I may never be ready for that, but at least I realise that, unlike the hoard of fucksticks breeding right now and, yes, You Know Who You Are.

So, okay, I may be old, but look at the bright side = I would feel even older if I had a motherflipping three year old child, instead of a brilliant book collection and a cat composed entirely of silky magnificence.

6 comments:

observer said...

That's not old or selfish Kate, that's reality.

The people who doggedly insist on breeding seem to be the people it's hard to feel happy for. It's more as if they've reached their maximum level of success in the adult world, it's finger painting from now on.

I feel monumentally sorry for the children I see in public with clearly deficient parents. I almost want to take the burger away from them, brush their hair, hand them a dictionary and shove them into the world on their own with a tag on their ear. They'd have a better chance of survival on their own than with the trollop that weighs a metric ton pushing a trolley containing an Xbox 360 and a tower of coke cans.

But I'm not a nice person Kate, so probably best to ignore all of this.

my name is kate said...

Well obviously we’re both frightful snobs but it IS a bit depressing sometimes that it seems like the lowest common denominator is destined to rule the world merely by virtue of the sheer number of sprogs they pop out. Maybe the lesson here is not that we should, heaven forbid, try to become nicer people but simply that we should breed to populate the world with little observers and kates? I don’t know, sounds like too a high a price to me…

observer said...

I'm sorry, I just had a nightmare vision of a future world....

the other kate said...

well at least you're not as old as me, with a frown-wrinkel making itself known. i'll try not to breed like the hoard of fucksticks just yet katie, and i promise you don't even buy a new dress for the big day.

T-Dog said...

Jamie Lynn Spears...pregnant at 16...and the Spears clan begins its so trek back to trailer-park from whence it came...

my name is kate said...

Hey I'm just hoping Mama Spears' parenting book makes it into shops some time soon...