Friday, August 3, 2012

Thoughts I had while getting increasingly tipsy and watching the fucking awful movie The Wedding Date:

1. Hey, what ever happened to Debra Messing?...

2. ... Or Dermot Mulroney?

3. Oh wow.

4. Oh WOW.

5. What is the wardrobe department doing to Debra Messing? Man, they must hate her. Maybe even more than her agent, who presumably allowed her to be in this movie.

6. But that girl playing her sister is all kinds of hot. Jesus. Forget Messing and Mulroney - whatever happened to her?

7. I am really embarrassed to be watching this movie right now....

8. ... And I am very much pro-sex industry. Whores for all, is my motto.

9. Soooo they've fallen in love in... two(?) days, right? For... kind of no reason, other than that they're both conventionally attractive people? I actually missed the part where either of them seemed remotely loveable. Or is this a fake out and something's going to drive them apart...? Maybe she'll end up with that bartender, he was kind of cute...

10. Nope. That's just... That just happened, I guess. Jesus, there's FORTY MINUTES LEFT

11. I do kind of love this song, thought.

12. Man, although now I wish I was watching that movie, One Fine Day, with George Clooney and Michelle  Pfeiffer - that was so, so much better than this. And it wasn't very good.

13. Actually I'd rather watch a movie staring Debra Messing's sassy brunette friend. She seems like she's got some shit going on. Also I like her hair.

14. So, this is kind of like a reverse Pretty Woman, right? Except Debra Messing is a... broke Richard Gear and Dermot Mulroney is like a classy Julia Roberts, with... money?

15. Um, and did he just imply that he has an amazing-looking cock? I mean, uh, did that happen or did I just fall asleep and dream it?

16. I bet he does, though. His hair is enchanting and full of secrets. I bet he grooms his undercarriage like he grooms that baby. Unless it's a wig. Oh, don't make it a wig.

17. No. NO. NO. Dear Romantic Comedies: Enough with the 'wacky' chase scenes, please: They are not funny. They are not clever. They are fucked. Regards, Everyone.

18. I can't believe this movie isn't over yet.

19. Oh of COURSE he's the best man now. Like I AM SO SURE THAT'S JUST HOW THINGS WORK. ("Everyone, we're just going to need you to all take one step to the right and then on with the show...")

20. HOW MUCH TIME HAS PASSED IN THIS MOVIE? Because Debra Messing has seriously worn 30 outfits and 'love' has ostensibly blossomed. But everyone keeps referring to it as "the weekend"? How long can one weekend feasibly be?

21. If I'd listened to TT I would be having a drink with him at the Cheeky Sparrow right now, instead of sitting in my tracksuit pants, drinking wine and railing at ONE OF THE WORST MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. Sometimes I regret my life choices.

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