Friday, July 27, 2007

The B-Word

I quite like boys. That's not really news - I do have a 'current hottie' bit on the sidebar and I regularly feature 'token smokin hotties'. Clearly I like boys. But I also like talking to boys and, when I'm in the mood, flirting with said boys. I don't mean I'm a big fat Slutty McSlut-slut (at least I hope not - feel free to jump in here any time, guys) but there is nothing wrong and there are many things right with some harmless bantering and so on.

Anyway, guys who know me know that I have a boyfriend so I assume that they know that, when I laugh at their jokes, throw things at their arse or muck around with them, I’m not mentally picking out a wedding dress or planning to tattoo their name on my (buttock) cheek.

But when it comes to people I don’t know well I don’t know when the time is right to deploy the B-word. As in Boyfriend.

I don’t mean to imply I’m picking up strange men in bars and just choosing to break it to them that I’m actually spoken for as they try to throw me on to the back of their bikes or anything but when I do occasionally meet new people through work or friends or what-have-you I feel that I’m being mildly deceptive in not telling them I’m having a boyfriend.

This is clearly a product of a rampant ego gone mad that assumes every guy I meet finds me irresistible and is having a crack. Clearly this is not the case but assuming the opposite (that everyone sees me as an asexual chum) has led to a couple of veeery awkward conversations in the past.

On the other hand I feel like a tool when I attempt to deploy the B-word in casual conversation… efforts that usually feel about as casual and painless as having colonic irrigation administered by a blowfish.

Bringing up the B-word when you’ve just met someone feels, to me, like the equivalent of bringing out a can of mace (or that classic scene from Beverley Hills 90210 when Donna fights off a rapist while shouting “no! no! no!”) when someone pats you on the shoulder. Maybe it’s the lack of self esteem talking but I hate the implication that I assume whoever I’m talking to thinks I’m a hot tamale. For instance I was recently a bit put out when some guy I had just met (and was making idle chit-chat with) deployed the G-word in the course of conversation about some crap or other. “Back up, Mister,” I wanted to say to him. “I’m really, really not trying to jump your bones so you don’t need to panic.”

Am I being overly sensitive? Weird? Do I have too much free time on my hands? Possibly all of the above but what do you think, young readers and how do you coupled-up ones deal with this?


Lindsay said...

Hmmm. Hard to say. I always find dropping "the guy I shagged last week.." into conversations works for me. It's kinds open ended, ain't it?

observer said...

Don't seem to have this problem.
Oh, and fyi, every guy you meet actually does find you irresistable.

Dave said...

I'm hearing you Kate. You don't want to seem a bit too clingy or desperate by throwing the B word in too early - like that guy did to you - but at the same time you don't want them to think you're on the hunt and sizing up every guy as a husband. And you want to be able to have a little harmless fun but at the same time it's good for said guy to know you have a boyfriend - just so that he doesn't try it on. It's a balancing act. I guess you need to ask yourself how important what other people think of you is to you. The ones that count know you have a boyfriend.

Andrea Gibbs said...

Have you been taking Mega B-Complex?

Bolton said...

In the gay world they usually wait til they've been snogging you for half an hour before they drop the B word.

And half the time the B is some ugly older guy who's been watching the whole thing from across the room.

Creepy, I know.

my name is kate said...

You've hit it on the head, Johnsy - I don't want them to think I've got tickets on myself but I don't want to lead to needless embarassment on both sides either.

Nice one Lindsay and I wish, observer, why is it that it's only the old creeps who ever pinch me on the arse and not the young hotties?

And Dans that is super creepy. You have found the opposite of ho-yay.