Token Smokin’ Hottie: Peter Sarsgaard

Now I know what you’re thinking. Or at least I assume it’s either “what?” or “who?”

Easy on the eye he may be but is Peter Sarsgaard really up there with Clive Owen or James Franco? Weeeell he is and he isn’t.

Is he as smoking hot as the Franco or Owen or, hell, any of the previous token smokin’ hotties? Surely Not. By which I mean: hell no. And yet... there’s something about him that makes me go a bit giggly.

A couple of weeks ago I nearly put him up here instead of Franco but I stopped myself. No, no, I said, he’s cute but a token hottie? Not yet, my friend, the world is not ready for your theories on Peter Sarsgaard. And yet.

To my way of thinking he is sort of like your brother’s cute friend you never really notice until you see him out at a club or something one night and you look at him and think ‘oh’ and then, well, I wouldn’t know anything about this personally, obviously, but I’d imagine that you start preening every time he comes over to hang out with you brother. Suddenly he only has to set foot in the house and you’ll be there, uber casually reading some ridiculously pretensious book in the hope that he’ll think you’re an intellectual and just make out with you already. Or something. I mean that’s what I hear.

Saarsgaard is that brother’s friend and I am like the little sister reading Proust on the couch.

But if that doesn’t win you over then consider this: who would you rather be stuck with on a 16 hour road-trip with a broken radio? Sure, having hot monkey sex with Franco/Owen (er hypothetically I’ve got a lot of rohpnol on this roadtrip you understand and it’s a beautiful thing) would kill some time but what about the remaining 15 hours and thirty minutes?

Who is going to crack political jokes you only pretend to understand? Or make you feel guilty for not owning a Prius? Who will slam down three veggie pies at the service station and still have room for the suspicious looking custard pastry in the display cabinet?

Peter Frickin Saarsgaard, that’s who.

Not only is he a cutie who comes off as smart and can look pretty hot when given the right clothes/hair/role but he has the same accessibility factor of, say, Gael Garcia Bernal. Although Gael-Garcia-Bernal-hot he is not (Gael: call me) he is sort of normal-looking enough to be the cute IT guy you’d pour a can of diet coke over your keyboard to talk to.

If Gael Garcia Bernal was your IT guy the computer would be in a constant state of breakdown because of the sheer quantity of drool dropping on to it. And when he came over to help you out, instead of lobbing a joke back at him you’d be reduced to monosyllabic responses… or possible just panting. And that’s just plain embarrassing.