It's all about perspective, really.
A month ago, for instance, the prospect of starting my new job, was a terrifying one. I was scared then and I assumed I would have been about ten times as scared now. And so I should have been.
But the past few days- as anyone who has been unfortunate enough to be forced to listen to me moping can testify - have been pretty shitty for me, generally. Not shitty in the sense that anything bad has happened to me but shitty in the sense that I have been at my lowest in quite awhile thanks to general ennui brought on, I assume, by extreme lack of sleep. Sob, sob poor me etc.
But the huge perk of feeling really, really bad lately means that I am now starting to put things into persepctive. Yes the job still scares me and I'm by no means convinced that I will be any good at it. There's still so much I don't know and so many things I don't know how to do that nobody should be surprised if you bump into me in the dole queue in a month's time. But who gives a fuck, really? All that I care about is being happy and while a job that I like and can do is important it's not everything. It won't be the end of the world if it all goes tits up and I will manage. Probably. Phew. Glad to get all that off my chest.
And yes I know I've been a whinging bint these past few days. Would a joke kill me? Probably not, so I'll work on it.