- Having to get out of bed on cold, rainy mornings
- People who use the word "lover" (unless they're singing along to The Smiths, as in "but I don't want a lover, I just want to be tied to the back of your car")
- People who use the phrase "make love"
- The fact I can't eat and drink exactly as I want and still look like Zoey Deschanel
- The fact that I'm not called "Zoey"
- Children whose parents allow them to leak snot from their nose - get the child a motherfucking tissue PLEASE
- The reality that I will have to get out of bed tomorrow, probably on a cold, rainy morning and come to work AGAIN
*I don't mean it - I'm sorry Princess, please take me back, baby.