Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Boobs. Now that I've got your attention... oh wait this really is about boobs.

So…fake boobs. To anyone considering getting them I say to you only that you should choose your surgeon carefully and just make sure he’s not the one responsible for the rock-hard balloons apparently adorning the chest of a certain Perth er, well ‘Perth identity’ is a bit of a stretch but let's just go with that.

Personally, if I was sporting that kind of hardware (hard being the operative word by the looks of them) I'd be sobbing into my pillow while suing the arse off my surgeon. The fact that she is gallavanting about town in half of a dress would seem to suggest she doesn't share my concern about her latest purchase.

Granted, I did once upon a time admire a young lass who sported giant plastic rocks on her torso but that bitch’s name was Barbie and I’m pretty sure she paid for her crimes against cleavage when I cut off her head circa 1987.

And if you're going to take your fashion tips, nay, your lifestyle choices, from a doll why not look beyond the blonde with the chest ornaments. I tell you someone I wouldn't mind seeing the young people of today (oh my god I'm only 24) emulating is Jem, of Jem and the Holograms.

From my recollection Jem used to have some crazy-arse 80s hair and wear leggings a lot of the time but she gave off a tough vibe too. You sort of got the impression that she had cleaned up her act for the early morning kid's cartoon show but behind scenes she was shooting up and stubbing out her cigarettes on the arms of the other members of the Holograms. And they would be all "Jem you can't go on like this, we'll have to cancel" but she'd be all "It's my name in the credits, bitch" before passing out in a pool of her own vomit. And half the time she'd be so coked out they'd have to loop her lines after the scenes were shot. Awesome.

UPDTED: Because I'm an idiot. Gem and the Sparkles? What was I thinking? I blame the crack.

No comments: