Don't leave yoghurt in a hot car... and other things I have learned this week.

1. Don't leave yoghurt in a hot car. No I mean really.

2. Don't take a wussy poodle prone to faking an injury with you to the park if you want to run - you will end up carrying that bastard home.

3. Do take a wussy poodle prone to faking an injury with you to the park if you don't really want to run.

4. Don't steal a bike from a shed when you're at a party. Er, it probably doesn't belong to who you think it belongs to.

5. Don't send very drunken text messages. To anyone. Ever. Not only will you probably say something very dodgy but you probably won't remember it. They will.

6. Don't wear a low cut top when you're having your company photo taken. Oh sure it looks fine in the mirror but when the photographer is halfway up a ladder and shooting down at you? They look like two hills and a crevass. Wear a habit if you have to.