Strange things are happening inside my brain.
Five years ago the words 'marriage' and 'babies' sent me into convulsion of terror. Hell, you could replace 'five years ago' with 'two weeks ago' and you'd still be on the money. But in the last week two things have happened.
First of all I had my first ever wedding-daydream. I know, I know, and I can’t even defend it. Walking down the street listening to a live version of Ring of Fire very recently I found myself thinking 'gee this would be great song to walk down the aisle to'.
Hmm. To. Walk. Down. The. Aisle. To.
I might have chalked this up to hormones, a moment of insanity or a recent re-reading of Maurice (guaranteed to turn me into a mush-pile) except that…
Today as I listened to a workie talking about her nephew I actually thought 'hey that kid sounds kind of awesome'.
Yes, I, famed for my inability to connect with kids on absolutely any level and my dislike of, nay hostility towards, anyone under the age of 15, had a nice thought about a tot. I don't care for kids and I never have but this is the first child about whom I've ever thought 'hey I could handle having a kid like that.'
Of course it helps that the kid sounds like a cross between the lovely Emma Brennan and Quentin Crisp (read: slightly barking) but still... this is some freaking progress.
But.
Before I start knitting a pair of booties or bust out 8 yards of silk for my wedding dress, which I will creepily hold on to despite not being anywhere close to engaged (seriously anyone who rags on The Bachelor does not know what they're talking about - I could tell you some stories about the nutters on that show) I should point out that perhaps I'm reading too much into this.
An appreciation of the music of Johnny Cash does not, after all, a marriage make. I mean, at a certain point, the song ends and you’re stuck with a husband and a ring you’re forced to wear until one of you dies.
And on the child front… well I think it really says something about me that the only child I can stand is:
a)One I’ve never met.
b)One I’m never likely to meet.
c)On the other side of the world.
So, despite the pro-marriage/children thoughts that might occassionally wander into my brain and the fact that my heart of stone might be slightly less, er, stone-like, I don’t think it’s time to abandon my 'how to become a crazy old cat lady in 50 years or less' plans anytime soon. I'm sure you're glad to hear it, Sach.
1 comment:
I hear ya, sister. In a quiet moment recently, I was reflecting on the fact that, as far as marriage material goes, I'm set. I already have a very passable engagement ring, access to a fabulous photographer (or 3), a florist and come with my own flat, car, change of clothes and various insecurities. I'm obviously not keeping busy enough.
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