However, on the off chance that the 'something' I achieve could be something impressive but detrimental to humankind (ie: the A-bomb, gunpowder or formal shorts) I choose to keep reading crap and bring you gold like this site which chronicles the life and times of working on an IT help desk:
Tech Support: "Ok, let's put your operating system disk in the drive."
Customer: "Ok...which way does it go in?"
Tech Support: "The shiny side faces down."
Customer: "Alright...um...which way is down."
Tech Support: (rolling eyes) "Towards the floor."
Customer: "Ahhh...so what way does the other side face?"
Tech Support: "Are you kidding?"
Customer: (outraged) "Hey! I'm not a computer genius, ok? That's why I called you!"
Tech Support: "Ok, that side faces down too."