Some people can work out elaborate square routes in their heads, others have musical talent I will never, ever have and some people (like Andy) can make conversations with total strangers for, um, about ten minutes (as he proved yesterday at the ballet by striking up a conversation with someone I think he thought I knew but who I had never met before in my life).
I am quite the expert in wasting time.
This is not quite the same as being able to cure cancer or perfect an arabesque but it’s what I got lumped with and it’s what I happen to be rather good at. We all have to play to our strengths and in the interests of helping others to help themselves this blog is devoted to the best ways to waste time…. specifically on the internet.
Your first stop is the most amusing gossip site on the internet. Yes it’s kinda stupid and very trashy but it’s also sort of awesome. From there it’s just a hop skip and a jump to the Go Fug Yourself girls who offer the kind of fashion criticisms you wish you could come up with on the spot. In the old days I would have suggested trying Fametracker next but the website’s currently on hold so if you do want to check it out just go through the Fame Audit or Celebrity versus Thing archives, which are still very fricking funny. I never thought I would be convinced by their verdict in the Johnny Depp versus chocolate debate but I really, really was. Madness.
All this, of course, is foreplay because if you really want to waste time, not just waste it but really waste it you can’t go past Television Without Pity. I’ve been spruiking this website for awhile but most people’s eyes tend to glaze over when I get to ‘it does recaps of TV shows’. But… it does. I occasionally use it to catch up if I miss a crucial episode of a favoured show but much more enjoyable, I find, is to read through archives of shows I’ve seen before just for the benefit of their super snarky recaps. Yes I am a dork but honestly this website’s great if you’re a bit of a TV nerd or a bit obsessive.
If you’re not but you still have some time to kill Overheard at the Office and it’s cousin Overheard at the Beach offer a good time. I sometimes suspect some of them must be made up but, disturbingly, most of them probably aren’t. Very amusing, though not too time consuming (which may be a plus or a minus, depending on where you stand).
If you’re still at a loss you can broaden your horizons or your mind or something and read some classics online. This is addictive but will at least counter some of the suspected brain-rot from too much gossip and fashion-sniping browsing. Maybe.
Next instalment: How to entertain yourself using only a telephone directory and a mobile phone.