Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Ways I've Let Down Popular Musicians

  • Permitted sun to go down on Elton John, thus failing him.
  • Failed to heed warning to stop in the name of love, broke Diana Ross's heart.
  • Was cruel to a heart that was true, much to the chagrin of Elvis Presley.
  • Stopped prior to getting enough, despite urging to the contrary by Michael Jackson.
  • Spoke even when told not to by Gwen Stefani.
  • Stopped believin', let go of the feelin', thereby enraging Steve Perry.
  • Clutched it too tightly, lost control, resulting in tersely worded letter from .38 Special.
  • Said "never"; Romeo Void merely shook their heads sadly.
  • Got together with only a few people, made no effort to love one another, received awkward phone call from the Youngbloods.
  • Monkees left at the station with only their worries after I missed the last train to Clarksville.
  • Failed to feel the noize, which doesn't seem like my fault, but Quiet Riot was still peeved.
  • Stayed perfectly sane, leaving Prince to go crazy by himself, which actually worked out best for everyone.
  • Went changing to try to please Billy Joel. Total fiasco.
Courtesy of McSweeneys.

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