Ways I've Let Down Popular Musicians

• Permitted sun to go down on Elton John, thus failing him.
• Failed to heed warning to stop in the name of love, broke Diana Ross's heart.
• Was cruel to a heart that was true, much to the chagrin of Elvis Presley.
• Stopped prior to getting enough, despite urging to the contrary by Michael Jackson.
• Spoke even when told not to by Gwen Stefani.
• Stopped believin', let go of the feelin', thereby enraging Steve Perry.
• Clutched it too tightly, lost control, resulting in tersely worded letter from .38 Special.
• Said "never"; Romeo Void merely shook their heads sadly.
• Got together with only a few people, made no effort to love one another, received awkward phone call from the Youngbloods.
• Monkees left at the station with only their worries after I missed the last train to Clarksville.
• Failed to feel the noize, which doesn't seem like my fault, but Quiet Riot was still peeved.
• Stayed perfectly sane, leaving Prince to go crazy by himself, which actually worked out best for everyone.
• Went changing to try to please Billy Joel. Total fiasco.

Courtesy of McSweeneys.